missing you.

 

 

 

 
Feb. 1999

My dearest Love,

I know I shouldn’t be missing you anymore

But not missing you is harder than I thought

I know you have already unopened your door

And threw the heart that I once caught.

I never understood why pride took over me

You left me, and I wanted to be free

But when you did, I feel chained

To myself and my own pain. 

And now, not being with you

… I feel lost…

I had to lose alot to forget…

I lost myself the most….

And yet… just seeing you in my dreams

I see your eyes… I see your face.

I thought I’ve forgotten what cannot be erased.

I had too much a pride, just too high

We were mismatched even from the start

But we loved too much that it didn’t hurt to try

And we were at home even when we cry.

But it’s all gone now, I still cant believe its over

Am I just the only one thinking of you?

Or do you still remember?

That there was supposed to be no breaking us two.

I miss you and I want to run away

Far from you. From the love that light each step of the way

The love that would cost everything to just forget

And to lose it I know I would regret.

I just can’t get you out my mind though

I am crushed but you seem so far away

There were so many things I wanted to know

There were so many things I wanted to say…

If only I could find another way…

We shared three years of our lives once before…

Those years were the most I felt alive and more

Until you told me you had to go one day.

You left me and I learned to face the world alone

You were my best friend  

And only with you i felt home.

And I cant believe… you’re really gone

I cant believe I haven’t moved on.

Even if I showed everyone that I am free,

I am strong and I will get through

I still have to face the harsh reality

That I feel nothing without you.

I know I shouldnt probably think of us

I shouldn’t think about you with somebody else,

But i cant stop myself

I loved you then, I still do…

And I really should stop missing you. 

Still loving you.forever.

~me ♥

=========

April 16, 2012

2:30 Pm

Dearest Love,

isnt life a mystery?

15 years later and

you were brought back to me

we still love each other and yet

as much as we tried to forget

we carry a part of each other inside us

i love you still…

***

i know you miss me too. but do you have any idea how much i miss you? it hurts so much deeply. but i find joy in the thought that somewhere… somebody misses me too. i miss your phone calls. i miss your smile. i miss how you touch my face and i miss how you say things with passion that sounds like me. its so painful. but i fully embrace this pain because it makes me feel alive. will i see you again soon? will you kiss me like you used to? i know things havent been well between us lately. and i find comfort in my prayers for you. that someday, maybe… you will be your own person and be free from the chains that has caused us such pain. maybe we would be finally home soon. and then… we would have all the time in the world. loving thoughts of you are the only thing that gives me hope to face another day. sometimes i would just write everything away and hope that somehow… through the magic of our love, it might reach you and you might hear my plea.. my heart is crushed everytime i question how in the world are we brought back together after 15 years of being apart… only to be apart now that we have found our way back home again. i know i shouldnt question that because it has always been our plan to go through the bittersweet sorrow of separation for the most joyful reunion… i can almost hear you in my heart. everytime it is beating so fast.. i’d like to think that maybe… it is your way of telling me that soon… we would finally be home.. i want to scream… but i whisper so silently at the top of my lungs. that someday.. when everything is done and we’d be free from both our chains … we would still be the same teen agers who love with a love that was bound for eternity. there can only be one ME & YOU in the world.

i love you, my lovest.

~me. ♥

 

 ======

song:

beverly craven – i miss you.

Here in the silence I wait.

Theres nothing else I can do

It feels like my hearts gonna break

 and all I can think of is you and

how my aching arms long to hold you

and show you how much I care

 but Im counting the hours without you

 and I dont know how much I can bear

Cos I miss you more than words can say.

 And I need you here in my life always

 Yeah, I miss you and

Ill always be waiting here for you,

til youre back with me

You found a place in my heart

from the first moment I saw you.

And you are my light in the dark a

nd I would do anything for you,

cos youre everything Ive ever wished for

 The answer to all of my dreams

 And I want you back.

Home is here with me

Oh I miss you more than words can say.

And I need you here in my life always.

 Yeah, I miss you and

 Ill always be waiting here for you,

til youre back with me.

Yes, I would be right there beside you

 if I only knew where you are,

 cos it feels like Im dying without you

 my whole world is falling apart.

And I miss you more than words can say.

And I need you here in my life always

Yeah, I miss you and

 Ill always be waiting here for you,

 til youre back with me

 

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