just not the same.

its just not the same anymore…
the silence kills me to my very core
and i shake and i tremble like thunder
i miss you…
screams my heart with such fervor. Continue reading


discovering our true selves.

Discovering True Selves
Soul Seeing
by Madisyn Taylor


The soul is the purest expression of an individual and is not bound by physical forms or fleeting emotions.

When we want to see deeply into the heart and mind of another person, soul seeing, also called soul gazing, allows us to see their soul. The soul is the purest expression of an individual and is not bound by physical forms or fleeting emotions. Through a simple art that involves looking deeply into a partner’s eyes, soul seeing can show you a person’s inner beauty that you might otherwise miss. It is possible for someone who appears cold to have a warm, giving, nurturing soul or someone of average appearance to have a beautiful soul. Soul seeing is a way of looking past shapes, sizes, attitudes, and behavior to see the real individual that lies beneath the surface. It allows you to see the true essence of another person, the radiance of their being, and their spirit within.

Soul seeing is accomplished by sitting face to face with another person. It is helpful to first state your intention before you begin. As you stare softly into each other’s eyes without stopping to look away, each of your souls is revealed to the other. Try not to look for anything in particular or seek traits you’re hoping to find. Simply let the other person’s soul reveal itself to you. After twenty minutes have passed, stay where you are and share a period of silent reflection with your partner for two minutes. You may have suddenly seen your partner’s inner nature as clearly as a bright day, or you may need to meditate on your experience before you feel comfortable with your impressions. Either way, soul seeing can be a wonderfully intimate and shared experience.

So little of who each of us is can be captured by our appearance or personality. The thoughts, fears, desires, and longings that are part of what makes us whole are not always written across our faces. Often, the most surprising thing you may learn while soul seeing is that while you and the other person may appear on the surface to be quite different, you actually share many of the same inner qualities. And then there is the unique beauty that resides within that is longing to be revealed to another who is willing to see. Soul seeing can help you experience the people in your life as they truly are, beyond any mental barriers or physical limitations.

source: the daily om



more restless soul.

concealed intentions.

the deception of darkness.

crab mentality.

emerging soul.

life is a paradox.

We spend our whole life searching

For our one true love

And we also have to accept our fate

That to wait forever is just never too late Continue reading

little voice.

I thought I had lived

I heard a silent scream inside

That I wasn’t really alive

And I might as well be dead.

Said a little voice inside my head. Continue reading

restless soul



For so long now, I was misunderstood

Stereotyped, they never saw the good

Its not their fault, I never let them see

That somehow, I kept hidden the best in me.

Little did I know I was living a superficial lie

Dozens of earrings and purses cannot satisfy

Different shades of make up to cover my face

From the sadness I didn’t want to trace.

One would think I never really cared at all

Until one day, my world started to crumble

Only then did I realize that diamonds are never enough

It takes so more than that to make someone tough.

The days gone by and it turned to years,

I bought earrings to cover my ears…

I chose to ignore what my heart once said

Be your own person, or you’d rather be dead.

Change is good but leave some for yourself.

It won’t be healthy if you turn out to be someone else

But I chose to deny what my heart was crying out loud

It was deafening but I was just too proud..

We worked so hard to be with each other in the past

I thought nothing can ever come between us…

Little by little, the spark just somehow died

I was wrong not to listen to that nagging voice inside.

Even as I lay right next to you,

we seem so far apart

It wasn’t the same as it was from the start

How lost were we among our own desires;

That we forgot to fuel each other’s fires?

Too late now for the if only’s of the earth

 I cannot dwell on that coz I cannot find its worth

All we had to do was to sit down and have a talk

Or go out the backyard and take a little walk.

I wanted to save every little thing that was left of us

But I am not one to nag…

Although I should’ve asked

I became different from the one you were with

I was smiling outside but inside, I bleed.

It wasn’t only I who started to change.

If only I had the guts to tell you I find it strange

That we weren’t the same person we were before

Why was I too scared to ask?

I shouldn’t have ignored.

We fill in the void with worldly stuff

At the end of the day, it just wasn’t enough

We missed the trip, we missed the flight

We were so engrossed to see the light.

all these time, I was living a superficial life

I wasn’t made to be just a trophy wife

Day in, day out… I longed to be completely whole

It just wasn’t enough for my poor restless soul.


Tuesday, May 24, 2011 11:45 PM

mastering the art of failing.

Mastering The Art Of Failing     December 8, 2012   Lucy: You learn more when you lose Charlie Brown: Well then I must be the smartest person in world!! If failure would guarantee us success wouldn’t we all be … Continue reading



often times, i am more thankful for all the wrong choices i made in the past. for all the bad decision making, for all the mistakes i made because it has led me to find myself along the way. it was a wrong choice, it was a mistake…. because it doesnt suit my own being…. it gave me enough room to correct who i really am… to be able to have inner peace and joyful heart that i have now. to be able to have a happy mind….. inspite of the sadness that once in a while creeps in to remind me that i am after all… a human being… 🙂

at the end of the day, we only thank those who are still on our side, through stormy weather and have stuck with us… GOOD OR BAD.

i am grateful for everything ….for all the little things that i am blessed with. even for the trials that come my way. for now, i am thankful…. beyond words that i have finally lived a life where financial is my only problem… it feels so great to be happy with little money…. because i could never define what i was feeling when i had it…. but still feel discontent and unhappy…. and lost…
but now.. i know i am home.. 🙂

and is living life ….. and loving it.
blessings, everyone….

Rainer Maria Rilke.


“There is only one journey.
Going inside yourself.”
— Rainer Maria Rilke

spiritual happiness.

But why try to find happiness through spiritual life? Isn’t modern materialistic civilization all about attaining peace and happiness? We build great skyscrapers, fast cars and miles of freeways. We have paid vacations, TV sets, free hospitals and sick leave, Social Security and welfare benefits. Government, planning commissions and scientific research are all aimed at providing some measure of peace and happiness. Yet the rate of mental illness climbs steadily, and the crime rates rise even faster. The streets are crawling with unstable individuals, and road rage is increasing. This materialistic civilization is not working; in fact, it is collapsing. A happy man does not feel driven to kill his family and himself just because he loses his job or house; yet this happening with increasing frequency even in our ‘advanced’ materialistic civilization.

We like to hold the conceit that Western society is exploiting every area of human knowledge to provide peace and happiness. But we are only beginning to realize that we have overdeveloped the material aspect of existence at the expense of the deeper emotional and spiritual aspects, and now we are paying a heavy price for that strategic error.
It is easy to complain about the degeneration of moral and spiritual fiber in America and the world today, but the real task is to do something about it. The only place to start is within ourselves. Look carefully inside, truly and objectively, and you will see moments when you are irrationally angry, or passionately believe in something that you find out later is completely untrue. When you learn to see those moments as they are—see them clearly, cleanly and without condemnation—then you will be on your way up and out of the disease of material consciousness.

You can’t make radical changes in the pattern of your life until you drop your filters, drop your identifications and habitual judgments, and allow yourself to see yourself exactly as you are. As soon as you do that, changes flow naturally. You don’t have to force or struggle to obey rules dictated to you by some authority. You just change automatically, improving by the power of consciousness itself.
But arriving at a realistic view of yourself is quite a task. You must drop all pretension, all self-serving justification and rationalization, and really see who you are and how you are, without illusion, judgment or resistance of any kind. You must see how you function as a social being and the effect you have on those around you. You must see your duties and obligations to your fellow human beings, and above all, your responsibility to yourself as an individual spiritual living being. And you’ve got to see all of that clearly and as a unit, a single gestalt of interrelationship. It sounds complex, but this insight often occurs in a single instant. The result of achieving this insight is deep understanding and serene happiness.

The ancient Esoteric Teaching anticipated Freud and other psychologists by thousands of years. It says: “What you are now is the result of what you did in the past. What you will be tomorrow will be the result of what you do now. The consequences of an evil mind will follow you, like the cart follows the ox that pulls it. The consequences of a purified mind also will follow you as inevitably as your own shadow. No one can do more for you than your own purified mind. A well-disciplined mind brings happiness.” The spiritual process of meditation purifies the mind, just like bathing regularly purifies the body. And it prevents disease in the same way as bathing does. It cleanses the thought process of the spiritual infections that keep you snarled up in emotional bondage. It brings a state of tranquility and awareness, a state of concentration and insight.

In our society, we believe that knowledge makes a cultured person civilized. Material civilization, however, only polishes the personality superficially. Subject an ordinary educated and sophisticated gentleman to stresses of war or economic collapse, and see what happens. It is one thing to obey the law because you know the penalties and fear the consequences; it is something else entirely to obey the law because you have cleansed yourself from the greed that would make you steal, and the hatred that would make you kill. Civilization changes man superficially, on the outside. Meditation softens him within, melts him through and through, and transfigures him into a higher state of consciousness.

Meditation is the cleansing crucible fire that slowly purifies the soul from ignorance through understanding. The greater your understanding, the more flexible and tolerant you can be, the more compassionate you can be. You become like a perfect parent or an ideal teacher; you are ready to forgive and forget. You feel love towards others because you understand them, and you understand others because you have understood yourself. You have looked deeply inside, seen your own illusion and your own human failings. You have seen your own humanity and learned to forgive and to love yourself. Once you have learned compassion for yourself, compassion for others is automatic. An accomplished meditator has achieved a profound understanding of life, and while seeing life realistically for what it inevitably is, he also relates to the world with deep and uncritical love.

Meditation is a lot like cultivating a piece of land. To make a field out of a forest, first you have to clear the trees and pull out the stumps. Then you till the soil and fertilize it. Then you sow your seed, irrigate the field and remove the weeds, and then you harvest your crops. Similarly, to change your consciousness, first you have to clear out the various irritants that are in the way, pull them right out by the root so that they won’t grow back. Then you fertilize, pumping energy and discipline into the mental soil. Then you sow the seed and you harvest your crops of faith, morality, spiritual consciousness and wisdom.

Faith and morality, by the way, have a special meaning in the context of authentic spiritual life. The Esoteric Teaching does not advocate faith in the sense of believing something because it is written in a book, attributed to a prophet or taught to you by some authority figure. Of course we have books and teachers, but what we mean by faith is the confidence born of direct personal experience. It is knowing that something is true because you have seen it work, because you have observed that very same thing within yourself. In the same way, morality is not a ritualistic obedience to some exterior, imposed code of behavior, but a deep sense of knowing what is right based on insight and compassion.

The purpose of authentic spiritual life is personal growth and transformation. The person that goes into the experience of meditation is not the same person who comes out the other side. Authentic meditation changes your character by a process of sensitization, by making you deeply aware of your own thoughts, words and deeds. Your arrogance evaporates and your antagonism dries up. Your mind becomes still and calm, and the ups and downs of your life smooth out. Thus properly performed meditation reduces tension, fear, and worry. Restlessness recedes and passion moderates. Things begin to fall into place and your life becomes a glide instead of a struggle. Meditation sharpens your concentration and thinking power. Then little by little your subconscious motives and mechanics become clear to you. Your intuition sharpens. The precision of your thought increases, and gradually you come to a direct knowledge of things as they really are, without prejudice and without illusion. All this happens through understanding, insight and transcendental knowledge.

So is all this reason enough to bother with meditation and spiritual life? Scarcely. These are just promises, words on paper. There is only one way you will ever know if meditation and spiritual life are worth the effort: make up your mind to do it, learn from an expert how to do it right, then do it and experience the benefits yourself.

Thank you for reading.

We know your time is valuable.

We are members of an authentic spiritual community, students of the Esoteric Teaching. We can show you an easy method of meditation that will really help you solve the problems of life. For more information and assistance in learning the ways of authentic spiritual life, please visit our website:


love. the greatest driving force

In my secret haven…
I hid behind the shadows of yesterday
Myself… I have never given
The choice to let my heart lead the way. Continue reading

I Am who i am.


to not care what other people say….

we learn to live by our own rules….

and break the society’s.
even if people call you names,

the monent that we know ourselves,

is the very moment

that we give our hearts and soul

the power to live a joyful and glorious life.

—-not to mention the filled with L-O-V-E.

Love: The Harmonious Symphony by Dr. Darryl Pokea


source: http://www.drpokea.com/love.html

Love: The Harmonious Symphony

by Dr. Darryl Pokea
© all rights reserved

The sovereign cure for worry is prayer
William James, The Father of Psychology

We have many diverse names and spiritual beliefs that express the Divine. We are all manifestations of the Creator throughout Creation. As John in his gospel expressed, “God is Love.”There is only one kind of Love. As Love is expressed through different individuals in different situations, it appears as though there are many kinds of Love, many levels and intensities. Love is the same and from the same Source in its multitude of expressions.


Love has been segregated, dissected, and disintegrated into many types: friendship, romance, maternal, paternal, patriotic, etc. This reflects the mind’s attempt to reduce, compartmentalize, and categorize love; and this separates it from the heart. Herein lies the mind’s attempt at disintegration. When the mind excludes the heart, unity with Oneness, and the experience of love is curtailed. This is the mind’s reductionism in its attempt to reduce fear through intellectual certitude. The illusions that are created by any of us assuming that our knowledge is complete, creates a vacuum in the heart. The fullness of our being is no longer orchestrated by our Spirit and the Creator when we do so. This is the real danger for all of us when we arrogantly see ourselves as the best or only expert merely because of our training or knowledge base. St. Paul clearly points out this illusion when he says, “if you have all the knowledge of everything, but have not Love, you have nothing at all.”


As we feel the connection of the Divine within, then we become conscious of Love. When we feel the Love within, we are able to give it to the world and we no longer are desperately driven to seek it in the world. With this realization, we also may feel that Love reflected back to us from the world. This detachment is unconditional Love. Our existence and all creation in the Universe bear witness to Love. Love is simply there. We each decide how much we want to consciously participate in it.


Love is synergistic. It is a blending,
a harmonious symphony of our Spirit
expressing itself, through mind and body.
Our conscious participation in Love integrates
and balances our awareness that we are Spirit.
We cannot separate ourselves from Love.

We can attempt to exclude it from our consciousness, but it remains there. Any exclusion sets up cascades of disequilibria and imbalance in our perceptions of whom we ourselves are, who each other are, and the interconnectedness of all the diverse life and forms of being in existence. Any perception of separation distorts mind, body, & Spirit connectedness and narrows perception in a linear fashion. In this state of mind, we selectively attend to merely the physical aspects of this world. The mind, in this limited state of consciousness, views everything as disconnected. It begins to distort by magnifying negative details as it loses its perception of the interrelationship between all things. Any glimpses of the “big picture” are lost.


The mind without the Heart, can deny the natural experience that we are connected to the Divine and one another. It creates its own false security as it limits itself to constructs rather than expansive experience. Simply put, the mind begins to worship itself, rather than experience the Creator within. The mind becomes clouded surrounding itself with itself as it attempts to block the radiance of love in and through all of us. Though there may be clouds in front of the sun, the sun, nonetheless, is always shining.


Divine Love, that we all can participate in through prayer, meditation, and loving intentional service and therapies, does harmonize the bodies and minds of our fellow human beings. As St. Francis prayed, “Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,” we all may be utilized as instruments to one another in the conscious healing of our species. As we evolve, prayer and meditation will become essential to all health care, as guiding expressions of Love. They are just as important as the actual medical or other noetic interventions, and these too can be expressions of Love.


Prayer and meditation are the avenues of conscious reconnection to the Divine Love in us all. A study completed by Duke University, showed that prayer deeply impacted patients who underwent angioplasty for coronary blockages. The study was double blind, meaning that neither patients nor staff knew who was being prayed for. In the same study, another set of patients undergoing the same procedure, received noetic therapy (guided imagery, touch therapy, or relaxation therapy.) The names of the patients to be prayed for by various religious sects, were E-mailed to Jerusalem, Buddhist monasteries in Nepal and France, Carmelite nuns in Baltimore, Fundamentalists, Moravians, Baptists and Unitarian groups.


Comprehensive physiological monitoring during and after the procedure, showed that the patients, who were prayed for by the 7 religious sects, did 50-100% better than patients who were not prayed for by these groups. In the noetic therapy group, there was a lesser, but 30-50% trend of improvement. Perhaps the difference in improvement between the two groups can be accounted for by the principle that “when we let go and let God,” we are more connected to a patient’s real needs, than when we attempt to standardize the intervention. Spirit doesn’t make any mistakes as it guides the mind, and the mind in turn guides the body. More research studies will be necessary to decipher scientifically, that this is the case. What is important from the study, is that both the groups prayed for, and groups receiving noetic therapies, did better than those who received only the medical intervention of angioplasty (catheterization.) Susanne Crater, the nurse in this catheterization study, stated that the results were dramatic enough, “to change my practice. It is possible to bring a calming, healing space into a hospital, which can sometimes seem cold and sterile.”


Everyone in health care, or service to anyone, must realize that what we do to others we do to ourselves. In health care, it is particularly important to treat the patients with reverence as we wish to be treated ourselves. This allows the channels of Love (that accelerates healing) to flow. As the Love flows, then we have the direct experience of the Creator within us. In this way, we are Divine instruments and we become one with those we serve, and realize that we are not separate from one another or the Divine.


As we already know through our experience, and this study, Love is not bound by distance, time, or space. It permeates even the most sterile environments, if only hearts are open to receive it. This intention and some level of open acceptance, consciously or unconsciously, are all that is required to participate in Divine Love. It is within all of us, and can be shared with One another. Divine love is witnessing itself through all creation, service to One another, and in each moment of this,… existence.

Dr. Pokea values your feedback as it guides him to be attuned to, contemplate, write and share more of his insights that directly touch the minds and hearts of his readers. As this article has assisted your personal understanding, well being, and perhaps healing choices in life, he would like to hear from you. Your mail or e-mail will not be given to anyone else as he holds the highest reverence for each person’s privacy in their own personal journey. As time is available, he will write back in appreciation:  feedback@drpokea.com 


12 Rules for Being a Human Being

12 Rules for Being a Human Being



12 Rules for Being a Human Being

Don’t try to be perfect. Just be an excellent example of being human.

Here are a few things to keep in mind:

  1. Growth requires pain. – Be patient and tough, someday this pain will be useful to you. Those with the strength to succeed in the long run are the ones who lay a firm foundation of growth with the bricks that life has thrown at them. So don’t be afraid to fall apart for a little while. Because when it happens, the situation will open an opportunity for you to grow and rebuild yourself into the brilliant person you are capable of being.

  2. You will learn as long as you live. – There is no stage of life that does not contain new lessons. As long as you live there will be something more to learn. And as long as you follow your heart and never stop learning, you’ll turn not older, but newer every day. Read The Last Lecture.
  3. There is a positive lesson in every life experience. – Don’t forget to acknowledge the lesson, especially when things don’t go your way. If you make a mistake that sets you back a little, or a business deal or a relationship doesn’t work, it only means a new opportunity is out there waiting. And the lesson you just learned is the first step towards it.
  4. True beauty lives under the skin. – When you start to really know someone, most of their physical characteristics vanish in your mind. You begin to dwell in their energy, recognize their scent, and appreciate their wit. You see only the essence of the person, not the shell. That’s why you can’t fall in love with physical beauty. You can lust after it, be infatuated by it, or want to own it. You can love it with your eyes and your body for a little while, but not your heart in the long-term. And that’s why, when you really connect with a person’s inner self, most physical imperfections become irrelevant.

  5. Only you know what you’re capable of.Unless someone can look into the core of your heart, and see the degree of your passion, or look into the depths of your soul and see the extent of your will, then they have no business telling you what you can or cannot achieve. Because while they may know the odds, they do not know YOU, and what you’re capable of. That’s something only you know.
  6. Your love creates your happiness. – The happiness you feel is in direct proportion to the love you give. When you love, you subconsciously strive to become better than you are. When you strive to become better than you are, everything around you becomes better too. During your youth, love will be your teacher; in your middle age, love will be your foundation; and in your old age, love will be your fondest memories and your greatest delight. Read The Road Less Traveled.
  7. You earn respect by being respectful. – Respect isn’t something you can demand or manipulate by saying what you think people want to hear. You earn respect by listening, acknowledging feelings and treating others with the same respect you hope to get in return. Treat everyone with kindness and respect, even those who are rude to you – not because they are nice, but because you are.
  8. Negativity poisons the soul. – Don’t let needless drama and negativity stop you from being the best you can be. Avoid the drama, and focus on what truly matters. Life is insanely short and your time is precious, so don’t waste your time on trivial matters. Let go of the things that are weighing you down. As you unclutter your life, you will slowly free yourself to answer the callings of your inner spirit.

  9. Your health is your life. – Regardless of the size and shape of your body, it is the greatest tool you will ever own. Without it, you wouldn’t be alive. How you take care of it or fail to take care of it can make an enormous difference in the quality of your life. Exercise to be fit, not skinny. Eat to nourish your body. To truly be your best, you must give your body the fuel it needs. Toss the junk and fill your kitchen with fresh, whole foods. Run, swim, bike, walk – sweat! Good health is essential for having the energy, stamina and outlook to tackle your goals and dreams.
  10. Letting go is part of moving on to something better. – You will not get what you truly deserve if you’re too attached to the things you’re supposed to let go of. Sometimes you love, and you struggle, and you learn, and you move on. And that’s okay. You must be willing to let go of the life you planned for so you can enjoy the life that is waiting for you.

  11. This moment is a gift. – The truth is, your whole life has been leading up to this moment. Think about that for a second. Every single thing you’ve gone through in life, every high, every low, and everything in between, has led you to this moment right now. This moment is priceless, and it’s the only moment guaranteed to you. This moment is your ‘life.’ Don’t miss it. Read Tuesdays with Morrie.
  12. Your choices design your life. – You have a choice each and every single day. Choose to appreciate what you have. Choose to make to make time for yourself. Choose to do something that makes you smile. Choose to be excited. Choose to laugh at your own silliness. Choose to spend time with positive people. Choose to be persistent with your goals. Choose to try again and again. Within your choices lie all the tools and resources you need to design the life of your dreams, it’s just a matter of choosing wisely.

Photo by: Colton Mitt

fixer of polarities.



The Fixer of Polarities

Posted on June 21, 2012 by


A few weeks ago, I had an amazing phone call with my brother where he gave me his radical take on the ego. After the call, I wrote it down so that I could remember it. Every time I read it, a sense of silence blooms within.


All our lives, we are trying to fix our bodies, thinking or circumstances. Some people spend their time trying to fix others. Not a day, an hour, a minute goes by when we are not involved in this activity in some form.

We get a jolt when we see that the fixer within us is itself the suffering – the desire to fix is itself the suffering.

The attempt is to fix ourselves at one polarity, and eliminate the other forever. Given the nature of polarities, this can never happen! The most powerful will be powerless in some situation, and the most intelligent person will be stupid in some situation; and the depth of the valley will be exactly proportionate to the height of the mountain.

Polarities always coexist in time and space. One may be very successful in work, and be unsuccessful at home. One may be successful now, and feel unsuccessful in the next moment. In fact, all successful people continue to feel at times like failures, just at the higher level of the success game.

Happiness/Sadness, Love/Hate, Insecurity/Security, Knowledge/Stupidity, Peace/Chaos, Anger/Compassion, Success/Failure, Balanced/Lopsided Life always maintain equilibrium. When we try to strengthen one pole, the other side is simultaneously gaining power – and waiting to emerge.

We give all our power to one polarity, and think we can destroy the other if this side becomes strong enough. So when the opposite polarity emerges, it is extremely uncomfortable and painful.

The nature of the mind is to believe that salvation is always in the other polarity. The superstar at his peak dreams of times when life is simple and ordinary, but when he feels he is losing his stardom, he fights to get it back.

When all attempts to fix fail, the fixer experiences a shift in the final polarity: “I can fix my life/it’s useless” and goes into a depression because nothing works. But in time, this polarity too changes and one goes back into fixing. That is how the game continues.

The fixer is the ego.

While reality here-now is always simple, kind and perfect, the ego perpetuates itself through crisis.

Ego not only creates the crisis, it is itself the crisis! In the absence of ego, there is no crisis.

Ego is the creator, the problem solver and the satisfied one at the end of the crisis. It plays all the roles.

Ego has a brilliant mechanism: “I and the cause of suffering are separate; and I will solve suffering permanently one day.” This keeps us from seeing the ego’s real nature as the crisis-creator.

Crisis gives a false sense of importance to a useless piece of equipment: the ego.

The ego is not a bad, evil thing. It is like a beautiful, faithful dog who has gone neurotic and is now barking at butterflies, the postman, and lamp-post. It is itself exhausted and is happy to dissolve.

The whole point of Surrender is to let go of trying to fix the polarities. The whole journey of Meditation is to transcend the polarities. The whole path of Wisdom is seeing the falseness of the one experiencing polarities.

Without awakening, one is always buffeted between desire and fear. We think we make choices in life, but actually our desires and fears choose.

Exploring this sense of “I” – the one who is experiencing the polarity – is a good place to begin. Where is this I? Is there a real miniature ‘you’ inside who gets angry or scared? Or is it just a picture and a sensation? Stay with it and it will reveal its secrets to you.


true love and the transcendence of duality.

Head-shot of Eckhart Tolle from a slight angle...

Head-shot of Eckhart Tolle from a slight angle by Kyle Hoobin. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A New Earth

A New Earth (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Are you ready to be awakened?

True Love and the Transcendence of Duality

By Kim Eng

During my travels, one of the most frequently asked question is “What is it like to be in relationship with an enlightened being?” Why this question? Perhaps they have the idea or image of an ideal relationship, and want to know more about it. Perhaps their mind wants to project itself to a future time when they, too, will be in an ideal relationship and find themselves through it.

What is it like to be in relationship with an enlightened being?

As long as I have the idea in my head “I have a relationship” or “I am in a relationship,” no matter with whom, I suffer. This I have learnt.

With the concept of “relationship” come expectations, memories of past relationships, and further personally and culturally conditioned mental concepts of what a “relationship” should be like. Then I would try to make reality conform to these concepts. And it never does. And again I suffer. The fact of the matter is: there are no relationships. There is only the present moment, and in the moment there is only relating.

How we relate, or rather how well we love, depends on how empty we are of ideas, concepts, expectations.

Recently, I asked Eckhart to say a few words on the ego’s search for “love relationships.” Our conversation quickly went deeper to touch upon some of the most profound aspects of human existence. Here’s what he said:

Eckhart Tolle: What is conventionally called “love” is an ego strategy to avoid surrender. You are looking to someone to give you that which can only come to you in the state of surrender. The ego uses that person as a substitute to avoid having to surrender. The Spanish language is the most honest in this respect. It uses the same verb, te quiero, for “I love you” and “I want you.” To the ego, loving and wanting are the same, whereas true love has no wanting in it, no desire to possess or for your partner to change. The ego singles someone out and makes them special. It uses that person to cover up the constant underlying feeling of discontent, of “not enough,” of anger and hate, which are closely related. These are facets of an underlying deep seated feeling in human beings that is inseparable from the egoic state.

When the ego singles something out and says “I love” this or that, it’s an unconscious attempt to cover up or remove the deep-seated feelings that always accompany the ego: the discontent, the unhappiness, the sense of insufficiency that is so familiar. For a little while, the illusion actually works. Then inevitably, at some point, the person you singled out, or made special in your eyes, fails to function as a cover up for your pain, hate, discontent or unhappiness which all have their origin in that sense of insufficiency and incompleteness. Then, out comes the feeling that was covered up, and it gets projected onto the person that had been singled out and made special – who you thought would ultimately “save you.” Suddenly love turns to hate. The ego doesn’t realize that the hatred is a projection of the universal pain that you feel inside. The ego believes that this person is causing the pain. It doesn’t realize that the pain is the universal feeling of not being connected with the deeper level of your being – not being at one with yourself.

The object of love is interchangeable, as interchangeable as the object of egoic wanting. Some people go through many relationships. They fall in love and out of love many times. They love a person for a while until it doesn’t work anymore, because no person can permanently cover up that pain.

Only surrender can give you what you were looking for in the object of your love. The ego says surrender is not necessary because I love this person. It’s an unconscious process of course. The moment you accept completely what is, something inside you emerges that had been covered up by egoic wanting. It is an innate, indwelling peace, stillness, aliveness. It is the unconditioned, who you are in your essence. It is what you had been looking for in the love object. It is yourself. When that happens, a completely different kind of love is present which is not subject to love / hate. It doesn’t single out one thing or person as special. It’s absurd to even use the same word for it. Now it can happen that even in a normal love / hate relationship, occasionally, you enter the state of surrender. Temporarily, briefly, it happens: you experience a deeper universal love and a complete acceptance that can sometimes shine through, even in an otherwise egoic relationship. If surrender is not sustained, however, it gets covered up again with the old egoic patterns. So, I’m not saying that the deeper, true love cannot be present occasionally, even in a normal love / hate relationship. But it is rare and usually short-lived.

Whenever you accept what is, something deeper emerges than what is. So, you can be trapped in the most painful dilemma, external or internal, the most painful feelings or situation, and the moment you accept what is, you go beyond it, you transcend it. Even if you feel hatred, the moment you accept that this is what you feel, you transcend it. It may still be there, but suddenly you are at a deeper place where it doesn’t matter that much anymore.

The entire phenomenal universe exists because of the tension between the opposites. Hot and cold, growth and decay, gain and loss, success and failure, the polarities that are part of existence, and of course part of every relationship.

Kim Eng: Then it’s correct to say, we can never get rid of the polarities?

ET: We cannot get rid of polarities on the level of form. However, you can transcend the polarities through surrender. You are then in touch with a deeper place within yourself where, as it were, the polarities no longer exist. They continue to exist on the outer level. However, even there, something changes in the way in which the polarities manifest in your life when you are in a state of acceptance or surrender. The polarities manifest in a more benign and gentle way.

The more unconscious you are, the more you are identified with form. The essence of unconsciousness is this: identification with form, whether it is an external form (a situation, place, event or experience), a thought form or an emotion. The more attached to form, the more unsurrendered you are, and the more extreme, violent or harsh your experience of the polarities becomes. There are people on this planet who live virtually in hell and on the same planet there are others who live a relatively peaceful life. The ones who are at peace inside will still experience the polarities, but in a much more benign way, not the extreme way in which many humans still experience them. So, the way in which the polarities are experienced does change. The polarities themselves cannot be removed, but one could say, the whole universe becomes somewhat more benevolent. It’s no longer so threatening. The world is no longer perceived as hostile, which is how the ego perceives it.

KE: If awakening or living a life in an awakened state does not change the natural order of things, duality, the tension between the opposites, what does living a life in the awakened state do? Does it affect the world, or only one’s subjective experience of the world?

ET: When you live in surrender, something comes through you into the world of duality that is not of this world.

KE: Does that actually change the outer world?

ET: Internal and external are ultimately one. When you no longer perceive the world as hostile, there is no more fear, and when there is no more fear, you think, speak and act differently. Love and compassion arise, and they affect the world. Even if you find yourself in a conflict situation, there is an outflow of peace into the polarities. So then, something does change. There are some teachers or teachings that say, nothing changes. That is not the case. Something very important does change. That which is beyond form shines through the form, the eternal shines through the form into this world of form.

KE: Is it right to say that it is your lack of “reaction against,” your acceptance of the opposites of this world, that brings about changes in the way the opposites manifest?

ET: Yes. The opposites continue to happen, but they are not fueled by you anymore. What you said is a very important point: the “lack of reaction” means that the polarities are not fueled. This means, you often experience a collapse of the polarities, such as in conflict situations. No person, no situation is made into an “enemy.”

KE: So, the opposites, instead of becoming strengthened, become weakened. And perhaps this is how they begin to dissolve.

ET: That’s right. Living in that way is the beginning of the end of the world.


a few days ago, i was trying to figure out what to do with the gifts i am blessed with. i had a hard time figuring it out. i cannot start with the UNMASKED project because that is alread the … Continue reading

becoming the person you were meant to be : where to start by Anne Lamott

becoming the person you were meant to be : where to start by Anne Lamott

We begin to find and become ourselves when we notice how we are already found, already truly, entirely, wildly, messily, marvelously who we were born to be. The only problem is that there is also so much other stuff, typically fixations with how people perceive us, how to get more of the things that we think will make us happy, and with keeping our weight down. So the real issue is how do we gently stop being who we aren’t? How do we relieve ourselves of the false fronts of people-pleasing and affectation, the obsessive need for power and security, the backpack of old pain, and the psychic Spanx that keeps us smaller and contained?

Here’s how I became myself: mess, failure, mistakes, disappointments, and extensive reading; limbo, indecision, setbacks, addiction, public embarrassment, and endless conversations with my best women friends; the loss of people without whom I could not live, the loss of pets that left me reeling, dizzying betrayals but much greater loyalty, and overall, choosing as my motto William Blake’s line that we are here to learn to endure the beams of love.

Oh, yeah, and whenever I could, for as long as I could, I threw away the scales and the sugar.

When I was a young writer, I was talking to an old painter one day about how he came to paint his canvases. He said that he never knew what the completed picture would look like, but he could usually see one quadrant. So he’d make a stab at capturing what he saw on the canvas of his mind, and when it turned out not to be even remotely what he’d imagined, he’d paint it over with white. And each time he figured out what the painting wasn’t, he was one step closer to finding out what it was.

You have to make mistakes to find out who you aren’t. You take the action, and the insight follows: You don’t think your way into becoming yourself.

I can’t tell you what your next action will be, but mine involved a full stop. I had to stop living unconsciously, as if I had all the time in the world. The love and good and the wild and the peace and creation that are you will reveal themselves, but it is harder when they have to catch up to you in roadrunner mode. So one day I did stop. I began consciously to break the rules I learned in childhood: I wasted more time, as a radical act. I stared off into space more, into the middle distance, like a cat. This is when I have my best ideas, my deepest insights. I wasted more paper, printing out instead of reading things on the computer screen. (Then I sent off more small checks to the Sierra Club.)

Every single day I try to figure out something I no longer agree to do. You get to change your mind—your parents may have accidentally forgotten to mention this to you. I cross onething off the list of projects I mean to get done that day. I don’t know all that many things that are positively true, but I do know two things for sure: first of all, that no woman over the age of 40 should ever help anyone move, ever again, under any circumstances. You have helped enough. You can say no. No is a complete sentence. Or you might say, “I can’t help you move because of certain promises I have made to myself, but I would be glad to bring sandwiches and soda to everyone on your crew at noon.” Obviously, it is in many people’s best interest for you not to find yourself, but it only matters that it is in yours—and your back’s—and the whole world’s, to proceed.

And, secondly, you are probably going to have to deal with whatever fugitive anger still needs to be examined—it may not look like anger; it may look like compulsive dieting or bingeing or exercising or shopping. But you must find a path and a person to help you deal with that anger. It will not be a Hallmark card. It is not the yellow brick road, with lovely trees on both sides, constant sunshine, birdsong, friends. It is going to be unbelievably hard some days—like the rawness of birth, all that blood and those fluids and shouting horrible terrible things—but then there will be that wonderful child right in the middle. And that wonderful child is you, with your exact mind and butt and thighs and goofy greatness.

Dealing with your rage and grief will give you life. That is both the good news and the bad news: The solution is at hand. Wherever the great dilemma exists is where the great growth is, too. It would be very nice for nervous types like me if things were black-and-white, and you could tell where one thing ended and the next thing began, but as Einstein taught us, everything in the future and the past is right here now. There’s always something ending and something beginning. Yet in the very center is the truth of your spiritual identity: is you. Fabulous, hilarious, darling, screwed-up you. Beloved of God and of your truest deepest self, the self that is revealed when tears wash off the makeup and grime. The self that is revealed when dealing with your anger blows through all the calcification in your soul’s pipes. The self that is reflected in the love of your very best friends’ eyes. The self that is revealed in divine feminine energy, your own, Bette Midler’s, Hillary Clinton‘s, Tina Fey‘s, Michelle Obama‘s, Mary Oliver‘s. I mean, you can see that they are divine, right? Well, you are, too. I absolutely promise. I hope you have gotten sufficiently tired of hitting the snooze button; I know that what you need or need to activate in yourself will appear; I pray that your awakening comes with ease and grace, and stamina when the going gets hard. To love yourself as you are is a miracle, and to seek yourself is to have found yourself, for now. And now is all we have, and love is who we are.


doodles week 2







week 2 on doodling…. i cant get enough of this! 🙂 food for the soul….
still using crayons but i sometimes mix pastels too. 🙂














i am currently loving all the unexpected gifts i am blessed with. i know this has got to take me somewhere — big. but… lately, i keep discovering all these wonders inside that lay dormant for years and i feel like there is still so much in store for me. i also feel that the realisation of my dreams is really near. how to go about it, i don’t know… i just ride with the tide, i don’t drive. sometimes, it can be frustrating but nevertheless, surprisingly calm. even if the external aspect of my life isn’t as peaceful as it should be… [ i could totally say — true test of peace…]

i am a multitasker. and if there is one thing i like… it is mixing and fixing everything altogether in one. so… i made a list of my “gifts” and the not so wanted character. i like the production part better… it is actually the managing slash routine that is dreadful to me.

for the book – i know that is where i am heading… only i am still not getting the right signal for that. in my heart, that is where i am truly headed. for my ego, i wish to make a big bang explosion when i am launching it… that is my soul. and that is me NAKED in front of everyone. until such time. the timing isn’t ripe yet. it is meant to help others with self improvement, empowerment,….. too much info. :–)

for the dried flowers: i have learned patience, — and the theme of my life: finding beauty in all that is not. so that is also part of me. i like the “vintage-y” feel around. i like all things classic, romantic, ….makes me remember all that i wish to be in..

posters: that is left brain and right brain with my self improvement student and frustrating friend i wish to rise above all the experiences she went through… which is the same as mine. but have not gotten around to it. oh but how she makes me “human” sometimes…. its just a matter of time, and we will combine our “charm” to make something really out of this world in our own little world ….
gosh sabrina— hurry up and ascend a D higher please! let’s rock their world!

printabilities: oh, my only window to creativity when i was with my husband… gift tags and calling cards.

photography: i bought a camera to source out my “window” when i was with my husband. -believe you me, i couldn’t write a decent poem until our beloved pet died. and since i didn’t know i could MAKE pictures then, i decided to take them. probably also because i would rather take pictures because i am supposed to be lighter by a 100lbs. and how i used to love my pictures taken when i was 100lbs lighter… [yeah…vanity is my favorite sin] – but to justify that –  i used to love myself from OUTSIDE IN.

doodles/drawing: this is actually the best thing to ever happen to me— for now. because never in my wildest dream i could draw! i am so ecstatic. i used to visualize my book when i was little that the pictures were hand-drawn. but instead opted for photographs since its too impossible for me to have to draw it. nevertheless, wow…. it is all coming together now. 🙂

cooking: i do small orders from friends and yes, i too can cook. anything!
— except pastries…. too much rules for me. and i can’t break it. and it has to be timed at a certain degree… oh — i can’t do it. NOT YET i suppose.


so basically, i need extra help in prayers for discerning what it really is. this is what is mind boggling. i know my purpose. i know the end of it all. it is just basically to be able to give hope to non believers of true love.. and each one of us… we start within ourselves. and when we have learn to love ourselves, we can sit quietly with ourselves… we love our own company…. and when we can finally sit quietly alone, then true love can peacefully be with us. [lets face it, if we can’t be alone with ourselves, if we dislike our own company…. what makes us think others can too?]
it is just a matter of time. i am blessed with deep knowing and clear seeing (even if at times i challenge it, it smacks me right in front of my face… oh, that is probably why we both kept saying let us work on ourselves. ] ohhh!!! NOW…. [another aha moment!]

its a labyrinthine life i am living and i cannot wait to be in the center. 🙂 with HIM and him.




Thank You Lord for making my life worth living. For helping me find meaning and making me see our purpose very clearly. i ask You not to shield me from any chances that may make me grow and be the best i can be but to give me strength and make me UNSHAKEABLE to rock their worlds for the better….

Continue to bless my kids with such understanding of the whole situation and let them open their hearts to know YOU more too.. and give their lives meaning and purpose too.

Lead me to the right people to know that i am headed in the right direction…. and I am grateful for all the random grace that You continually make me see. LEt me ROCK this life to Your liking. 🙂 coz YOU rock.

and let him lead with his heart through your wisdom. and make him FEARLESS too. 🙂 and believe in himself the way he does with me and the way i do with him. 🙂

PS. i hope you don’t mind that i hardly hear mass.





what’s going on?

  words of encouragement from http://sharethespiritual.wordpress.com/2012/07/17/whats-going-on/ What’s Going On July 17, 2012 by Suzy Are you experiencing sudden moments of chaos in your life? Volatility seems to be all around us these days, and yet this signals unprecedented growth. We are … Continue reading

drawn to ask.

Ask, and it shall be given you; seek,

and ye shall find; knock,

and it shall be opened unto you:

Matthew 7:7

when i was a child, i always used to love to color. i wanted to draw but i was too frustrated everytime because i couldnt put in picture what i wanted to. i could make smileys, stick figure and a hut and a coconut tree… then… just very recently, i have discovered so many wonderful gifts that the good Lord has blessed me with. i doodled… i had my kid’s sketch pad and crayons in my room. by some force, i took it from her a few days earlier and just left it lying around my room. while i was on the phone with him, and he was voicing out his current woes, i wanted to be there …right beside him. but since i knew that he would rather be alone, and i on the phone…. i wanted to send my love… so i doodled hearts… then… i just kept doodling the next day…

and i didn’t know how i did it, but i started doodling dreams, memories…. [that i cannot take photos of…] and it just sort of flowed…. my hands were floating like someone was doing all the strokes for me…

it feels so good! i used to think that it would take alot of miracle for me to draw. although a part of me always thought that if i can write… then i could also draw. there has got to be some way… then this is what i came to believe:

i believe that if we open our hearts to God’s wonders, nothing is impossible. My reunion with my first love is a miracle that all was well…. To feel the same feelings 15years ago…that has got to be the biggest miracle i have ever had in my life… God is simply amazing. and all the time when we have given up on ourselves, all we had to do is really just ask…with all our hearts… because we would be given it. I know in my heart, that all these pain sometimes… I have somewhat asked for this.

I prayed for wisdom and He leads me to the right books, articles, blogs…

i asked for inspiration. – He gives me heartbreaks and sends me back in time

I asked to know more of God,- He gives me miracles.

I asked to know more of myself and to push beyond my limits.- He lets me go beyond my “border”

I asked [and i dont mean to be disrespectful, by ask… i mean to pray…] ….i

asked that He show me how it is to live to the fullest and to reach for my full potential.- He sends me to the right people who i can learn something from and practice values— [i never thought i would have..lol]

I prayed –religously that I fulfill my purpose in this lifetime and find meaning in my life. — then with that… i am currenty praying for discernment. 🙂

and get this: i prayed last October 2011 that I may find the right person for me. who can dance with my soul and forever have and feel the bliss that would give us the inner peace having found each other and that would help me find my purpose and his as well. the person who gets me.. who is also as crazy as me but accepts me and gives me the freedom to be who we really are. and….BAM!!! after 3 days, like a slap on my face He led me to him.. HE led me back in time. and boy! am i too frustrating to love!!

I have my digital posters, dried flowers, photography, printabilities,

and the closest to my heart and soul…. my writing. and now…. doodling.

I know I can come up with something that I could put all these together soon. and i can almost feel that my dreams are finally coming to reality very very soon…. the book i have envisioned when i was young… is a very personal one. with hand drawn illustrations… and i guess that is probably why i have been putting it on hold, although i knew i was going that way… it still didnt feel right at the moment. but now… OMG!!! I am so freaking out because I know… it is really really near… I will know very very soon.. nevertheless, just playing it by ear and going with the flow,






alone…LESS IS MORE. sometimes, we live in a world full of people but have never felt more alone in our lives. we seek out the  company of others but have always known that something is missing… its the saddest way … Continue reading

love musings.

Amidst all the pain, I always know there is beauty behind it. All I know is that, little by little, things will finally fall into place. I believe that Love alone is enough to fight whatever battles we are faced with. When our hearts are closed, we almost forget everything else. We only think about our own desires, and maybe sometimes, we can’t help but feel a little sad, melancholy…. but that sadness is a welcome pain because then, I know that my heart is open. Continue reading

love never dies.

Maybe some things are best left unseen. When we love, we do not require anything. We just simply love for the sake of loving because we love ourselves enough. I guess we may never understand what love really is. Each of us have their own definition, all i know in my heart is that when we love, we begin to see a part of ourselves that we haven’t seen before. We become better and we become whole. Alone or not. If there is love inside us, we have everything. And nothing else matters. Because everything will simply fall into place. At the right time, at the right moment. When God has finally put us where we should be within. In my heart, Love simply lives on. We never have to go the extra mile to prove or we could be miles apart …. but if there is love inside our hearts… we learn to live. Continue reading

The 5-Step Path to a Life of Love [deepak chopra]

Love is part of creation, woven into the very fabric of the universe.
We love one another because we have tapped into nature at a deeper level.
Yes, the brain is responsible for giving love its physical expression,
yet ultimately, love comes from the soul. Continue reading

60 Ways To Make Life Simple Again

As a result, we ate comfort food and drank alcohol to numb our wounds and fill our voids. We worked late nights on purpose to avoid unresolved conflicts at home. We started holding grudges, playing mind games, and subtly deceiving others and ourselves to get ahead. And when it didn’t work out, we lived above our means, bought things we didn’t need, and ate and drank some more just to make ourselves feel better again. Continue reading

9 Things No One Wants to Regret When They’re Older

In the end, we only regret the chances we didn’t take, relationships we were afraid to have, and the decisions we waited too long to make. Continue reading