couldve been.

I cannot explain
How much pain
I feel inside my heart
Like its been ripped apart.
Thoughts of what couldve been
Hold me close in between
Cries of anguish and sorrow
From what we could be tomorrow
But you just stopped calling
And i couldnt stop myself from falling
Than i thought i ever could
And i never really understood
How i let my heart slip away
From something i ran away from
And then one day
What i fear…it has become.
I ran away because i got scared
From the beating of my heart
When you and i have shared
Silent moments right from the start
But we never had the perfect time
To commit the perfect crime
For fear that my heart would break
Because i cannot calculate
How much i would feel for you
I might give it all …and it is the wrong thing to do

And i was so right
But the day came and i could no longer fight
I was left without a choice
I had to take the leap
When i heard my own voice
That it may not be too steep.
Now left alone…
With the pain i have never known
The only constant reminder
Of the friendship that forever
Stained and betrayed my heart
When it hoped to start
To feel the love that you held back
To give you the love that
Only i can give…
Like a memory from a dream
That i have forseen
The pain i hold close like a second skin
Envelopes me with the memory
….as i remember all that couldve been.




♡ ♥ ♡

playing with the memories.

Once in a while
I hear a note or two
I close my eyes and smile
And i think of you.
You wrapped my heart around
With the most heavenly sound
I play with the memories
It seems crazy but i cant resist.
You make my heart sing a song or two
I wonder how id ever get through
All the storms that life had showered
Wishing that i would always remember
Every little detail and i would paint
Wonderful colors without restraint
Its hard to believe that im going through this
My heart sings…
When im playing with the memories.




I would love it so much if you take a break

And think of me and how much I ache

To spend as many moments we can have together

Even if we know that we will always have forever.
Continue reading

life is a paradox.

We spend our whole life searching

For our one true love

And we also have to accept our fate

That to wait forever is just never too late Continue reading

little voice.

I thought I had lived

I heard a silent scream inside

That I wasn’t really alive

And I might as well be dead.

Said a little voice inside my head. Continue reading



the year has passed by so quickly
yet it always almost seemed like yesterday
when you smiled at me
and swept me away.

i can remember every minute that we shared
when you and i finally declared
how we still  feel even after all these years..
the pain… the love… its all worth the tears.

everyday, i cannot believe how blessed i am
how our love have become
time, distance is nothing between us
because our soul know our love will last.

the year we both shared together
could never measure up
the the 15 years without each other
i can feel we would have forever.

i have never felt this alive
and you have let me reach out and dive
to a love that has led me to find
myself, my soul.. and
the heart i thought that left me behind.





my dearest love,

its been a year. a year that has finally kept my heart and soul alive. its been a year and we still have each other. just you and me. in our bubble.. only this time, our bubble has allowed the real world in. real problems that we know we can rise above. i want you to know that i would always stay with you. through thick and thin…

your love has led me to push myself beyond my limits and do things i never thought i was capable of doing all my life… your love has opened my soul and reached out for the core of my being and create pictures that speak of love and poems that spell nothing but the love we have for each other and the love that we are.

my love has made you see a different side of life. that is the only thing i can offer you.. a smile inside your heart when things aren’t going our way… it is the only thing that my heart is capable of giving. it is the only thing that i know will go a long way. a smile in your heart to fulfill all your heart’s desires.

it will always be just me and you.
just us two…

(carrie & big)

….. just like you said.


forever yours,



little love cradle.

rock my love, back and forth
and take me up north
take me down south
and slowly kiss my mouth.

i dream of you… and i see
vista is a reality
as we sit side by side
and open our hearts wide

you and i, our love rocks
back and forth our hearts
will jump over the hurdle
as we share a world
….a little love cradle.

journey back to you.

journey back to you.

Everyday, we go through life

We wear a mask and live with strife

A make believe that we are real

Down to the core, down to what we feel.

But in moments of solitude,

Even when everything is the way it should

A silent whisper speaks to us

Saying… this is not gonna last

A whisper so silent, so brief yet serene

Has caused us to feel something within

Fear, hopelessness, sadness and fright

We live in a tunnel… hoping to catch a light.

But we give in only to fear

And ignore that one little whisper so clear

We put on the mask, again and again

Only to yearn what was way back when.

We journey back in time… back to our childhood

Memories that all was just too good

And the longing creeps in, and so we think

Those days are gone in just a blink.

The mask we wear would soon unveil

The yearning that we try so hard to scale

So we live a life that is masked and a lie

We live a life… but inside we die.

It is never too late to live a life filled with joy

It takes tremendous courage to leave our ploy

But if we step up and try to be true

We journey back… you journey back..

To the real you.


crazy. beautiful.


the wind gets crazy
but the field remains creamy
grasses that are calm and steady
greens that give the world such beauty.

the tiny fragments fly in the air
sometimes, life couldn’t be so fair
but all remains cool and i dare
dance while the breeze touch the skin i wear.

life is a dance
and love is the romance
i should never pass up this chance
to live a life… with the one i loved once.


and all these about love i wrote… is for someone else.
the sweetest guy… and the most sensitive person i have ever met. i havent shed a single tear… because he cried for me. i didnot want him to see me… because then, i know i would only end up hurting myself when i see the psin that he has in his eyes for me….
my husband left me for another girl. i didnot run after him. because i believe that there is nothing left for me to fight for…

i met my true love, almost a year after he left. he’s always been a part of me, but until the right moment is laid out for us, i intend to work on myself more than i ever could….

my friends and i are currently working on my exhibit. this is the moment that i have been waiting for. the people who believed in what i can do, what i do and in who i am. it doesnt matter what road i am taking now, i know, somewhere around the corner, love is there to guide me. to shower me with the beauty known only to our hearts and not seen by others. he will remain invisible and invincible…
because love is all that we have… and all that we’d ever be.

i wish to ask you guys, to keep your fingers crossed that i will be successful in this road i am taking now… because i am putting my life on hold…for a bettter life that awaits us. the proceeds of my art work goes out to the abused women’s foundation in our town, where a mobile unit is to be donated so that women like me, dont have to go out and deal with embarassing moments while people stare at your bruises like you were the one who has done it…

the mobile unit is for the organization to go to your place, and make legal necessary records… like a CSI for abused women. please pray for our success. in God’s time, it will all come to perfect timing…

thank you.

the quest for true love.

we are all searching for the one thing we deprive ourselves of… because we are afraid of being vulnerable. of being innocent, of being a child… whose heart’s been broken for the first time..
but it was the only time when we truly felt alive. pain is never enough for me… i now know… in all my adulthood…. the greater the pain, the sweeter the joy…. and i would always give my heart another chance…
fairy tales do come true…. if we hold the pain until it embraces us and it will be a part of us …. becaue that will always be the reminder that joy is just around the corner.. and love is still alive…

love story ….canvas in progress

my first personal canvas.
this is a work in progress…. (and so are we.)



love. the greatest driving force

In my secret haven…
I hid behind the shadows of yesterday
Myself… I have never given
The choice to let my heart lead the way. Continue reading


its life’s simple pleasures
that gives us enough joy
beyond measures
to last a lifetime….

a walk on the beach,
a touch in the face,
a hand we could reach
a love that cant be erased.

the earth on our feet
a smile each time we meet
the glory of the morning sun
before the break of dawn

the sunsetas she kiss
the widest of the seas
it is indeed life’s simple pleasures
that warms our hearts..
and give us joy beyond measures.


you take me up.


you tak me to places i’ve never been
you make me feel like a movie queen
from a movie in a silver screen
that i feel, breathe and live in.

you let me fly
high up in the sky
with just one look in the eye
in a moment of ecstacy, i could die.

and to straight to heaven
with a smile that i am wearing
as i slip into the clouds…
my heart is beting so loud
you dont know how you make me feel
i never thougt these feelings could ever be real…

let our love.

let our love be
as strong as the tree
even if the leaves may fall
together, we stand tall
and when the flowers
may wither…
let our love blossom
even in winter.

let our love be
the language of our hearts
the weapon of our soul
that strengthen us
when faced with a hot coal.

let our love be.
like the tree.
for all eternity.

sweet child.


a son will always see
his mother beautiful and pretty
… a mom will always be
his first love wherever he will be.

a mother will love her son
and be there for him even when gone
a love so true, come what may
her love will always stay…

as a mom, i know i am not perfect. i am not, and never will be a stepford/stewart mom. i tried to be one, succesfully but at some point, i felt restrained, stressed and a fake. it wasnt me. i was doing it to portray an image of the perfect mother, perfect family, perfect wife… but, who was i really?

until i became who i am… i know, i may never be the perfect mother, perfect step mother… perfect wife… but i know my kids and my step kids love me more now than the uptight stepford mom i was… i am more than a mother to them. i became their friend. i am a cool mom…

sometimes… its better to be a friend to be able to get to know them better. but we have to set our minds that friendship requires honesty and trust. its not important what other people will say… be a friend just because we are good people. not because we want to know everything and have something to judge them with. thats a cruel thing to do. especially when you act all sincere and real…..
all i want is for my children and steppies to say when asked whats your mom like?
i want them to answer: she’s a great person…
that alone includes a mom, a wife, a friend…. being a mom is a blessing….
we are not entitled to use that previledge to use as a power against our children. they also have to be free. to be themselves. to be able to fall down and learn.. and still love them.

Love: The Harmonious Symphony by Dr. Darryl Pokea



Love: The Harmonious Symphony

by Dr. Darryl Pokea
© all rights reserved

The sovereign cure for worry is prayer
William James, The Father of Psychology

We have many diverse names and spiritual beliefs that express the Divine. We are all manifestations of the Creator throughout Creation. As John in his gospel expressed, “God is Love.”There is only one kind of Love. As Love is expressed through different individuals in different situations, it appears as though there are many kinds of Love, many levels and intensities. Love is the same and from the same Source in its multitude of expressions.


Love has been segregated, dissected, and disintegrated into many types: friendship, romance, maternal, paternal, patriotic, etc. This reflects the mind’s attempt to reduce, compartmentalize, and categorize love; and this separates it from the heart. Herein lies the mind’s attempt at disintegration. When the mind excludes the heart, unity with Oneness, and the experience of love is curtailed. This is the mind’s reductionism in its attempt to reduce fear through intellectual certitude. The illusions that are created by any of us assuming that our knowledge is complete, creates a vacuum in the heart. The fullness of our being is no longer orchestrated by our Spirit and the Creator when we do so. This is the real danger for all of us when we arrogantly see ourselves as the best or only expert merely because of our training or knowledge base. St. Paul clearly points out this illusion when he says, “if you have all the knowledge of everything, but have not Love, you have nothing at all.”


As we feel the connection of the Divine within, then we become conscious of Love. When we feel the Love within, we are able to give it to the world and we no longer are desperately driven to seek it in the world. With this realization, we also may feel that Love reflected back to us from the world. This detachment is unconditional Love. Our existence and all creation in the Universe bear witness to Love. Love is simply there. We each decide how much we want to consciously participate in it.


Love is synergistic. It is a blending,
a harmonious symphony of our Spirit
expressing itself, through mind and body.
Our conscious participation in Love integrates
and balances our awareness that we are Spirit.
We cannot separate ourselves from Love.

We can attempt to exclude it from our consciousness, but it remains there. Any exclusion sets up cascades of disequilibria and imbalance in our perceptions of whom we ourselves are, who each other are, and the interconnectedness of all the diverse life and forms of being in existence. Any perception of separation distorts mind, body, & Spirit connectedness and narrows perception in a linear fashion. In this state of mind, we selectively attend to merely the physical aspects of this world. The mind, in this limited state of consciousness, views everything as disconnected. It begins to distort by magnifying negative details as it loses its perception of the interrelationship between all things. Any glimpses of the “big picture” are lost.


The mind without the Heart, can deny the natural experience that we are connected to the Divine and one another. It creates its own false security as it limits itself to constructs rather than expansive experience. Simply put, the mind begins to worship itself, rather than experience the Creator within. The mind becomes clouded surrounding itself with itself as it attempts to block the radiance of love in and through all of us. Though there may be clouds in front of the sun, the sun, nonetheless, is always shining.


Divine Love, that we all can participate in through prayer, meditation, and loving intentional service and therapies, does harmonize the bodies and minds of our fellow human beings. As St. Francis prayed, “Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,” we all may be utilized as instruments to one another in the conscious healing of our species. As we evolve, prayer and meditation will become essential to all health care, as guiding expressions of Love. They are just as important as the actual medical or other noetic interventions, and these too can be expressions of Love.


Prayer and meditation are the avenues of conscious reconnection to the Divine Love in us all. A study completed by Duke University, showed that prayer deeply impacted patients who underwent angioplasty for coronary blockages. The study was double blind, meaning that neither patients nor staff knew who was being prayed for. In the same study, another set of patients undergoing the same procedure, received noetic therapy (guided imagery, touch therapy, or relaxation therapy.) The names of the patients to be prayed for by various religious sects, were E-mailed to Jerusalem, Buddhist monasteries in Nepal and France, Carmelite nuns in Baltimore, Fundamentalists, Moravians, Baptists and Unitarian groups.


Comprehensive physiological monitoring during and after the procedure, showed that the patients, who were prayed for by the 7 religious sects, did 50-100% better than patients who were not prayed for by these groups. In the noetic therapy group, there was a lesser, but 30-50% trend of improvement. Perhaps the difference in improvement between the two groups can be accounted for by the principle that “when we let go and let God,” we are more connected to a patient’s real needs, than when we attempt to standardize the intervention. Spirit doesn’t make any mistakes as it guides the mind, and the mind in turn guides the body. More research studies will be necessary to decipher scientifically, that this is the case. What is important from the study, is that both the groups prayed for, and groups receiving noetic therapies, did better than those who received only the medical intervention of angioplasty (catheterization.) Susanne Crater, the nurse in this catheterization study, stated that the results were dramatic enough, “to change my practice. It is possible to bring a calming, healing space into a hospital, which can sometimes seem cold and sterile.”


Everyone in health care, or service to anyone, must realize that what we do to others we do to ourselves. In health care, it is particularly important to treat the patients with reverence as we wish to be treated ourselves. This allows the channels of Love (that accelerates healing) to flow. As the Love flows, then we have the direct experience of the Creator within us. In this way, we are Divine instruments and we become one with those we serve, and realize that we are not separate from one another or the Divine.


As we already know through our experience, and this study, Love is not bound by distance, time, or space. It permeates even the most sterile environments, if only hearts are open to receive it. This intention and some level of open acceptance, consciously or unconsciously, are all that is required to participate in Divine Love. It is within all of us, and can be shared with One another. Divine love is witnessing itself through all creation, service to One another, and in each moment of this,… existence.

Dr. Pokea values your feedback as it guides him to be attuned to, contemplate, write and share more of his insights that directly touch the minds and hearts of his readers. As this article has assisted your personal understanding, well being, and perhaps healing choices in life, he would like to hear from you. Your mail or e-mail will not be given to anyone else as he holds the highest reverence for each person’s privacy in their own personal journey. As time is available, he will write back in appreciation: 


sweet reunion.

its seems like yesterday,
i saw you took off to some place far
and i got lost along the way
i often wondered where you are.

i never thought i’d see you again
when i left, i took your heart with me
and kept it hidden then
locked it safe along with your memory.

i tried to live but i felt dead
when you were gone,
i tried to love again but insteas
….you were and are still the one.

a hug to share, i couldn’t care
i miss the way i touch your hair
this is great… time never passed
i have proven now our love will always last.

this is home… this is you and me now
decades of life and yet somehow
they years apart we learn to strive
only now we really feel alive
sweet reunion…
you and me..
on a street…
we meet…
and it took us to heaven
and then……


when we love, we love without conditions.
we give whatever we can
because that’s where our light comes from.
it doesnt diminish us
even if we’ve been hurt in the past
because when we give, dont forget
there wont be any regret.
when time comes that we’ve been lifted up
be thankful for all that you got
and when someday, they realize
how much fire in your eyes
that they light up the world…
with your treasured heart of gold.
the pain, we lose
the lessons we keep…
and love again…
to be able for us to lift.

when you love someone. there are no need for words.. when they left. know its not about you. its about them. there are just things that needs to be taken care of. and when they come back, and you’ve gone far…. the only way to go higher… is to help …. and lift them up…


my dearest love,

this is me and you
in timeless love and life
we laugh at the journey
that started with strife…
but when love and forever
was all we had to remember
love is the only reason
why we breathe so much passion
and yet as calm as the sea
peaceful as the valley
and flowing as the river are we
when you and i are together…
our world become so much brighter…
this is you and i in timelessness
this is you and me….
in one of the thousand sunsets
that together we will blissfully
share in the days to come…
you and me… together
…. love has the power
for us to have this altogether
and live it forever….

you will always be my one and only love.
forever yours ,



sigh… its the most romantic thing
i have ever seen
its just like the movies…
its the most beautiful kiss.
if it wasn’t raining…
there would be
colored fireworks in the air
just as the float and not a care
in the world but their own
must be great to fall in love
head over heels like you’ve never known….
and be with him
just like a dream…
like in fairy tales
i want to be with him..
like in the movies..
i want the most beautiful
the most romantic kiss.

mom and child.

a mother’s love go beyond
a story to remain untold
the love that can hold the world
inside for the daughter to behold,

little ones would soon grow
and we know when its time to let go
let them live the life they feel
sometimes may it be against our will.

but to let them live and be
we give them the highest love
should we ever try… set them free
and that would be the best they have.

freedom to live a life so vast
beyond out control…
something we have to let pass
let them be… let them taste it all.

to shield them, we dont allow
to let them feel it all somehow
let them take the risk, let them taste the plight
even if we have to.. let them try to fight.

respect their choices
and let them try
to listen to their own voices
and hear their own cry.
to go against it…
is like living but wanting to die.
we gave them life…
we gave them love
its time to give them the best
that they could ever have…
and that is to live.
to the fullest.

i am all for the freedom of my kids. it may seem irresponsible and illogical sometimes but i believe and i feel in my heart that for me to be able to let them live a life worth living, (like me) i have to be strong enough to listen and laugh at other people’s scrutiny. hahahah… at the end of the day, there is nothing worst than to hear some kid complain about their parents… and i believe that my kids are all understanding and supportive and way mature than other parents. (mAybe even more mature than me??)

i believe in my heart, my irresponsibilities are misunderstood for the fact that i am truly blessed financially when it comes to the basic needs. i know that when all needs are being met there has to be a bigger thing in store for that person. i know too for a fact, that responsiblities or not,… i can rise up to the occasion.. 🙂

we are here NOT to make a living… but to simply LIVE.


once upon a dream.


in a world
filled with so much hate
there’s a place
that was made by fate.
love is our destiny
should we ever set our hearts free
and make this a reality
in a world
where nothing is what may seem…
you and i forever…
once upon a dream.

playing with abundance.


the art of gratitude
brings us steadfast gifts
and life is all good
as we sail on our ships.
we learn to take the chance
and play with abundance
how precious life is
if we look with our hearts
we only have inner peace
the way its meant to be from the start.

life is all that we love
and to love would be a gift from above
little do we know
slowly, we start to grow
life’s magic lights and manifests
only our hearts can see how we are blessed
and so we smile and learn each day
we sing and we grasp on the chance
for us to grow… each step of the way
as we all learn to play…. with abundance.

daddy’s girl.


my little angel…
daddy loves you so
may you always be well
whereever you go.
i love you so much
when you came into the world
you have touched
my heart… a treasure like gold…

i will always protect you
and support whatever you do
you are free to be who you are
whether near or far…

and if one day, yourheart may break
always remember that it will make
you even a much better person
and you will be so strong
to face any strife when you start
…..always remember…
that you are always blessed…
with a good heart.