untamed.


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💋💋💋

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instagram: truelovejunkie

tumblr: truelovejunkie

mother and child


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into you.


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july 2014 sketches. thankful for the creative energies…

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run wild.


i never allow a person
to ever get near me
and see the tears go on
an on and on freely.
i can feel. i can love
but i remain cold out and above
beneath the ice though
is a fire that only i know.
i can conceal
and never reveal
wouldnt even dare
take off my mask
and let them know i care.

the paint brush would swoop
colors in circles and a loop
paint my smile and my joy
blissfully like a child with a new toy.
the pen flows freely on a pad
when the tears fall and i feel sad
but then…only a few would ever know
what goes on inside me….
and so i put on a great show
of strength and bravery.

no i am not tamed….
but i learned to train
my darkness and turned it into light
and vowed to radiate so bright.
no. i cannot be tamed at all
but you can ride with me and take a fall
….i only promise you i would be there
always…. if you dare.
its the life that i have come to love
freely…openly…. sent from above
it is the only life that is worth the ride
with only my heart as a guide.
and your beautiful restless soul as our compass
live each day like it was the last….
if you take all of me….
my darkness and light….
my unconquerable soul…
and my inner child
come away with me….
where we can both run free and wild.

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For the love of life.


I went to hinobaan…thats a 5-6 hour drive from our city. I took the BUS…arrived at 12 midnight on the town… and when i fot there..it was full moon… i had to wait a couple minutes till my friends arrive…
It was the best vacation ive had in years.. for the past few years…ive started to have aversion to going to the beach… as it became a little tiring for me…

I grew up in a 3 minute drive to the beach… and my childhood memories is almost filled with the sand, sea and sun… so this is me… and my friends… reviving a little bit of our childhood…

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Off to a small island across…

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You are my serenity.

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Fun fun fun

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Lazy thoughts…

And the glorious sunset..

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Five thirsty.

And the sangrias by the pool

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Trying to pull off a jackie oh (no) with all the weight… 🙂

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Letting go


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I never had a problem letting go
But now i seem to hold on
To what was never mine to start with
When i turned my back for so long.
And now i cant do anything right anymore
I keep holding on like waves washed ashore
I let myself believe that i was strong enough
To allow myself to face what i denied my heart
I thought running away would make me tough
In the end…i start falling apart.

Why i didnot see this coming i was blind
From the truth that i crushed and left behind
And now i am faced with this excruciating pain
That i allowed my heart to kiss in vain.
I flee in the past…and i ignored you to death
Not because i wanted to… but because i was too scared
And now as the wheels have turned
I scream your name and bared
My heart and my soul and all that i am
You were the one thing i ran away from
I fear so much inside each time we almost kissed
I fear so much…because of this…

You made me taste my own medicine
It is neither sweet and tasty…
Nothing in between
But the bitterness i detest willfully
Because of the yearning that you left me with
I cannot part all that you made me taste
And still i cannot bring myself to feel with haste.
Because i can never feel otherwise
Even if it may lead me to my own demise
I would still hold a special place for you
In the center of my heart…
Where the pain burned right through
From your heart to mine… and now i start
To think of you dearly and wistfully
I might shed a tear and still know
That what we could have been…
What i hold on to… i am finally letting go.

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couldve been.


I cannot explain
How much pain
I feel inside my heart
Like its been ripped apart.
Thoughts of what couldve been
Hold me close in between
Cries of anguish and sorrow
From what we could be tomorrow
But you just stopped calling
And i couldnt stop myself from falling
Than i thought i ever could
And i never really understood
How i let my heart slip away
From something i ran away from
And then one day
What i fear…it has become.
I ran away because i got scared
From the beating of my heart
When you and i have shared
Silent moments right from the start
But we never had the perfect time
To commit the perfect crime
For fear that my heart would break
Because i cannot calculate
How much i would feel for you
I might give it all …and it is the wrong thing to do

And i was so right
But the day came and i could no longer fight
I was left without a choice
I had to take the leap
When i heard my own voice
That it may not be too steep.
Now left alone…
With the pain i have never known
The only constant reminder
Of the friendship that forever
Stained and betrayed my heart
When it hoped to start
To feel the love that you held back
To give you the love that
Only i can give…
Like a memory from a dream
That i have forseen
The pain i hold close like a second skin
Envelopes me with the memory
….as i remember all that couldve been.

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♡ ♥ ♡

The key to my castle.

This gallery contains 24 photos.


The key to the castle
Opens a world where
Fantasy meets reality…
And safe from the outside world…

But will i ever be…
With you?
Continue reading

Our heart song


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Today i hope to start to say
Goodbye to a wonderful song
That only a heart can play
Because it got tired for so long.

The music would have been perfect
And there was nothing she could do
About the fright made you neglect
The heart that was meant to love and be true  to you.

As much as she feels
She knew she should turn and walk her heels
A climb… in circles in a never ending slope
Right to the very last drop of her hope.

You threw away the the only key
To the castle i have yet to see
Burried somewhere…far down
Inside your heart and soul i wanted to drown.

But you always make sure to keep me afloat
And still rock the boat
I wish i would now be brave enough
To stop waiting for my other half.

If only i could… i would
Stop feeling this way…as i should
Because you would rather let me lie
To my heart… to my song…
Is like asking me to die all along.

My heart hears the music that you play
But the words never found their way
To sing the song you refuse to sing
And so my heart ends up breaking.

Silence. And then i hear you
The air around us whispered too
The fear unfathomble envelops me
Like a second skin… i dont know where to begin.

To say goodbye… to turn my back again
On the song i have hoped to find
To forget that the music inside your heart
Has come to an end before we can even start.

My heart song will always be yours
The way you never say yours will be
Had you wanted to…
possess me or box me
….in  heartbeat… that would be worth it.

Maybe one day soon…
Or the next full moon…
We may not fear as much as we do today
Maybe… we can make music again…
Maybe… someday.

Always here. With uncried tears
That rip off the notes of an unsung melody
Like a key ….perfectly matched
To be able to love so openly.

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♡ ♥ ♡

Purpose.


October 1, 2013
Evolution through Exploration
Purposeby Madisyn Taylor

Humans for the most part are not born consciously knowing what their purpose is and it must be found through exploration.

Most living things belong to a particular soul group and are born knowing their purpose in life. An animal will spend its day foraging for food, taking care of itself and its young, and creating a home. No one tells an animal to do this, yet it instinctively knows how. Humans, for the most part, are not born consciously knowing what their purpose is.

Purpose gives our life meaning. When you discover your purpose, you can live your life with intention and make choices that serve your objective for why you are here on the planet. Finding your purpose is not always easy. You must embrace life wholeheartedly, explore many different pathways, and allow yourself to grow.

Your purpose is as unique as you are and will evolve as you move through life. You dont need anyone’s permission to fulfill your purpose, and no one can tell you what that purpose is. Finding and fulfilling your purpose can be a lifelong endeavor. To figure out what your purpose is, ask yourself what drives you , not what forces you out of bed in the morning, but what makes you glad to be alive. Make a list of activities that you wish you were involved in or think about a career path that you would love to embark upon. These are the endeavors that can help you fulfill your purpose and bring you the most satisfaction.

Picture yourself working on projects that dont interest you or fulfill your purpose, yet they help satisfy your basic survival needs. Imagine how living this way each day would make you feel. Next, picture yourself devoting your time to projects that spark your imagination, inspire, excite, and satisfy you. More often than not, these activities are some of the ways that you can fulfill your life purpose. Time spent on these endeavors will never feel like a waste. Live your life with purpose, and you will feel significant and capable because every action you take and each choice you make will have meaning to it.

Searching. And waiting. And waiting. And loving.


I have been reading the celestine prophecy. At the start.. it states that humans are suffering from restlesness we cannot understand. So we instead of sitting still and feeling the peace within.. we hurry up and find security in all the wrong places possible. I understand it perfectly well. Even when things have been so smooth in my life before.. something stirs up inside me and i cannot just be still. Its like i have an incessant hunger and thirst that no amount of food and water that money can buy cannot quench it. Relationship covered it when it was new.. but then… i was back to first stage. Until i have come to build a relationship with myself and my art. Only then i have quenched and understood and found what i was looking for.
Situations suck… its basically downhill.but that didnot stop me from being positive and whenever i possibly can.. i choose to help those in need more than my own luxiory. It brings a deep feeling of fulfillment and bliss that lasts longer than anything else…

And the abundance ….and life seems to happen right before my eyes… like magic… 🙂 i became more open to all the possibilities that life and the universe provides… for example… i called my dad and asked him to send money for my daughters allowance and food tomorrow and he said he’ll send tomorrow. But i insisted that he send today… even if it isnt cash.. like rice and fresh veggies instead of the money.. and the very second i sent my message… not even 30 seconds… my brother was downstairs… with rice and fish and other stuff from the farm from my grandmother. I intentionally didnt want my daughter to see me worry about basic needs being unmet due to his dad’s business. Lean months is always a chance for us to humble ourselves…
So as i write this. I am thinking of a really special person whos always been close to my heart… having little and not enough to keep us afloat make me realize how life seems to be unfolding to our hearts’desires…..
And my first love… J… we came to a closure …our relationship have become platonic. True love indeed… we have surpassed the jealousy and all… but we just couldnt find balance and we werent inlove anymore. The romance died and he was a preparation too for where my heart and soul is. This cute young couple friends hanging out… in silence. I know why i used to make them on their backs facing us… its because i turned my back on the possibility of something beautiful to unfold.

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Till the skies fall down.
Continue reading

Solitude

This gallery contains 12 photos.


Dream of me

puzzle piece.


please comment and let me know your thoughts about these artwork… for the longest time, i couldnt quite put my finger why i made this… until very recently. any comments, thoughts and ideas or insights is very much welcome…

 

 

ill make a second post about this…

discovering our true selves.


Discovering True Selves
Soul Seeing
by Madisyn Taylor

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The soul is the purest expression of an individual and is not bound by physical forms or fleeting emotions.

When we want to see deeply into the heart and mind of another person, soul seeing, also called soul gazing, allows us to see their soul. The soul is the purest expression of an individual and is not bound by physical forms or fleeting emotions. Through a simple art that involves looking deeply into a partner’s eyes, soul seeing can show you a person’s inner beauty that you might otherwise miss. It is possible for someone who appears cold to have a warm, giving, nurturing soul or someone of average appearance to have a beautiful soul. Soul seeing is a way of looking past shapes, sizes, attitudes, and behavior to see the real individual that lies beneath the surface. It allows you to see the true essence of another person, the radiance of their being, and their spirit within.

Soul seeing is accomplished by sitting face to face with another person. It is helpful to first state your intention before you begin. As you stare softly into each other’s eyes without stopping to look away, each of your souls is revealed to the other. Try not to look for anything in particular or seek traits you’re hoping to find. Simply let the other person’s soul reveal itself to you. After twenty minutes have passed, stay where you are and share a period of silent reflection with your partner for two minutes. You may have suddenly seen your partner’s inner nature as clearly as a bright day, or you may need to meditate on your experience before you feel comfortable with your impressions. Either way, soul seeing can be a wonderfully intimate and shared experience.

So little of who each of us is can be captured by our appearance or personality. The thoughts, fears, desires, and longings that are part of what makes us whole are not always written across our faces. Often, the most surprising thing you may learn while soul seeing is that while you and the other person may appear on the surface to be quite different, you actually share many of the same inner qualities. And then there is the unique beauty that resides within that is longing to be revealed to another who is willing to see. Soul seeing can help you experience the people in your life as they truly are, beyond any mental barriers or physical limitations.

source: the daily om

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