wild heart.


like little children …. innocent and pure
to be free …. and ever obscure
laughing and living life beautifully
so solemn and im serenity
that is life…. a piece of art
untamed… like my wild wild heart. Continue reading

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heart.mind.body.and soul


when you let me fill your empty walls…
you filled my empty heart
you have made me stand tall
and that made me make a new start
i saw myself as a human being
capable of love and believing
that walls need to crumble down
as my heart ends its frown.
i am not looking for something
but something stirred up inside me
maybe it would be worth trying
maybe i should just wait and see.
you had the key ….so unexpectedly
my walls fell down the ground
like a crashing tidal wave
the fortress i thought
i would bring to my grave
the walls i have long fought.
left me yearning to love you more
and the fear of loving you
has brought me up and back to the floor
as i reach for the pieces
of the walls you let fall
to let me in… inside your heart
inside your mind… body and soul.

Continue reading

Letting go


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I never had a problem letting go
But now i seem to hold on
To what was never mine to start with
When i turned my back for so long.
And now i cant do anything right anymore
I keep holding on like waves washed ashore
I let myself believe that i was strong enough
To allow myself to face what i denied my heart
I thought running away would make me tough
In the end…i start falling apart.

Why i didnot see this coming i was blind
From the truth that i crushed and left behind
And now i am faced with this excruciating pain
That i allowed my heart to kiss in vain.
I flee in the past…and i ignored you to death
Not because i wanted to… but because i was too scared
And now as the wheels have turned
I scream your name and bared
My heart and my soul and all that i am
You were the one thing i ran away from
I fear so much inside each time we almost kissed
I fear so much…because of this…

You made me taste my own medicine
It is neither sweet and tasty…
Nothing in between
But the bitterness i detest willfully
Because of the yearning that you left me with
I cannot part all that you made me taste
And still i cannot bring myself to feel with haste.
Because i can never feel otherwise
Even if it may lead me to my own demise
I would still hold a special place for you
In the center of my heart…
Where the pain burned right through
From your heart to mine… and now i start
To think of you dearly and wistfully
I might shed a tear and still know
That what we could have been…
What i hold on to… i am finally letting go.

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♡ ♥ ♡

couldve been.


I cannot explain
How much pain
I feel inside my heart
Like its been ripped apart.
Thoughts of what couldve been
Hold me close in between
Cries of anguish and sorrow
From what we could be tomorrow
But you just stopped calling
And i couldnt stop myself from falling
Than i thought i ever could
And i never really understood
How i let my heart slip away
From something i ran away from
And then one day
What i fear…it has become.
I ran away because i got scared
From the beating of my heart
When you and i have shared
Silent moments right from the start
But we never had the perfect time
To commit the perfect crime
For fear that my heart would break
Because i cannot calculate
How much i would feel for you
I might give it all …and it is the wrong thing to do

And i was so right
But the day came and i could no longer fight
I was left without a choice
I had to take the leap
When i heard my own voice
That it may not be too steep.
Now left alone…
With the pain i have never known
The only constant reminder
Of the friendship that forever
Stained and betrayed my heart
When it hoped to start
To feel the love that you held back
To give you the love that
Only i can give…
Like a memory from a dream
That i have forseen
The pain i hold close like a second skin
Envelopes me with the memory
….as i remember all that couldve been.

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♡ ♥ ♡

my eye


I dont like what i see
When i look at myself straight in the eye
The fear and the uncertainty
Is something that i so defy.

For everything that i would give
Only to be able to re live
The life and zest that sparkled
and radiates to behold.

Fear is foreign to me
I loathe the days when i see
Fear masked with security
Creeping out of the black circle
Emptied and hallow unacceptable.

I worked so hard to be so fearless
And made sure i am to be harmless
But when things spiral down i recall
I cannot always be in full control.

So i sink back in and try to sulk
Drown all my sorrows and evoke
All the good possibilities i can hope.

For somewhere deep inside i know.
There is light behind each shadow
That i will come across today
This may or may never really stay.

So lost was i then . And i now feel
Like running around in circles that seem ureal
Like the air that i breath in
I wear the mask of strength like a second skin.

I may fool other people and they believe
I am to be strong and not grieve
But there are the very few
That i could never really lie to.

I may laugh and still be the same
Play along and cover the shame
That fear has caused me to hide
The light inside that never leave my side.

These few i hold close to my heart
Are the very ones who is very much a part
Of my soul and they give me strength
To endure anyting at any length.

I refuse to lean on to them
But there are times when i stem
Out of proportion and reveal
The fear that i think is never real.

I know this happens for a reason
Why i go thru what i have to
I may or may never be able to fathom
Its just really something that i must do.

So if you ever walk my path… and still see me smile
Dont let the curve fool you even for a little while
You will only see what i wanted to show everyone
But my eyes can only tell you the truth
…look into my eyes to see if the fear is gone.

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Our heart song


Continue reading

playing with the memories.


Once in a while
I hear a note or two
I close my eyes and smile
And i think of you.
You wrapped my heart around
With the most heavenly sound
I play with the memories
It seems crazy but i cant resist.
You make my heart sing a song or two
I wonder how id ever get through
All the storms that life had showered
Wishing that i would always remember
Every little detail and i would paint
Wonderful colors without restraint
Its hard to believe that im going through this
My heart sings…
When im playing with the memories.

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♡♡

from dusk till dawn.


the fire never dims…. if anything but
it will always spark only this time
it will be bottled within and….
waiting… time and again…
for both fire and ice to merge
and let their souls play
the melody that they sang for so long
like the evening sky
from dusk till dawn. Continue reading

moments.


I would love it so much if you take a break

And think of me and how much I ache

To spend as many moments we can have together

Even if we know that we will always have forever.
Continue reading

misbehave.


  My heart tells me to go But my body kept saying no I wanted to leave, wanted to flee Somehow… it didnt feel like me. I wanted to be near you I wanted to touch you My heart kept … Continue reading

life is a paradox.


We spend our whole life searching

For our one true love

And we also have to accept our fate

That to wait forever is just never too late Continue reading

little voice.


I thought I had lived

I heard a silent scream inside

That I wasn’t really alive

And I might as well be dead.

Said a little voice inside my head. Continue reading

restless soul


 

♥♥♥

For so long now, I was misunderstood

Stereotyped, they never saw the good

Its not their fault, I never let them see

That somehow, I kept hidden the best in me.

Little did I know I was living a superficial lie

Dozens of earrings and purses cannot satisfy

Different shades of make up to cover my face

From the sadness I didn’t want to trace.

One would think I never really cared at all

Until one day, my world started to crumble

Only then did I realize that diamonds are never enough

It takes so more than that to make someone tough.

The days gone by and it turned to years,

I bought earrings to cover my ears…

I chose to ignore what my heart once said

Be your own person, or you’d rather be dead.

Change is good but leave some for yourself.

It won’t be healthy if you turn out to be someone else

But I chose to deny what my heart was crying out loud

It was deafening but I was just too proud..

We worked so hard to be with each other in the past

I thought nothing can ever come between us…

Little by little, the spark just somehow died

I was wrong not to listen to that nagging voice inside.

Even as I lay right next to you,

we seem so far apart

It wasn’t the same as it was from the start

How lost were we among our own desires;

That we forgot to fuel each other’s fires?

Too late now for the if only’s of the earth

 I cannot dwell on that coz I cannot find its worth

All we had to do was to sit down and have a talk

Or go out the backyard and take a little walk.

I wanted to save every little thing that was left of us

But I am not one to nag…

Although I should’ve asked

I became different from the one you were with

I was smiling outside but inside, I bleed.

It wasn’t only I who started to change.

If only I had the guts to tell you I find it strange

That we weren’t the same person we were before

Why was I too scared to ask?

I shouldn’t have ignored.

We fill in the void with worldly stuff

At the end of the day, it just wasn’t enough

We missed the trip, we missed the flight

We were so engrossed to see the light.

all these time, I was living a superficial life

I wasn’t made to be just a trophy wife

Day in, day out… I longed to be completely whole

It just wasn’t enough for my poor restless soul.

 

Tuesday, May 24, 2011 11:45 PM

[our] love….work of art.


and as the pen moved through

the whispers of my heart

the most beautiful thing we have ever made

is to make our love … a work of art.
Continue reading

i danced in the rain.



On a quiet Saturday afternoon, I watch the rain
Listening to the gushing sound in my window pane
I want to hold it dear… and embrace
And feel the raindrops falling on my face.

 It isn’t always gloomy when the clouds are grey
Rain seems to always wash away
And your heart now believes
As it cleanse dirt on the leaves.

 For every rain, there is something in store
Raindrops falling… same as before
Wind blowing leaves in all directions
Let it fly away… crashing in intersections.

 Rain only falls …. From up above to the ground
And yet no matter how strong it may sound
Play it in your ear and listen to nature’s music for once
Stop. Think. Close your eyes, feel it and dance.

 It seldom rains on a Saturday afternoon
Embrace the music and dance to the tune
There is nothing better than to feel
Raindrops on your face… so swift and still.

Never let this pass… the chance to know and feel the rain
Open your heart, your mind and for once be insane
Simple things, simple pleasures for my soul
To dance in the rain, it is never impossible to reach my goal.

Go out, and open your doors…
Rush to the road and gallop like a horse
Sway with the leaves and feel no shame
When you dance in the rain,
You won’t ever be the same.

 Raindrops hang on the balcony
Like little silver balls on a Christmas Tree
One start to fall from its place
Another one is falling… they leave but replaced.

 Rain is just one of life’s simple forms
To help us get pass our storms
Someda
y, one day soon… the world will know
How I danced in the rain…  Even in pain
Only then… I start to grow.

Falling down, getting back up, red petals and thorns
Raindrops and roses… Life’s little adorns
That’s how I knew I have lived when I found joy amidst the pain
A priceless experience as my heart borns…
A soul, a life… when I danced in the rain.

 

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truelovejunkie ©   

 

behind.


 

the year has passed by so quickly
yet it always almost seemed like yesterday
when you smiled at me
and swept me away.

i can remember every minute that we shared
when you and i finally declared
how we still  feel even after all these years..
the pain… the love… its all worth the tears.

everyday, i cannot believe how blessed i am
how our love have become
time, distance is nothing between us
because our soul know our love will last.

the year we both shared together
could never measure up
the the 15 years without each other
i can feel we would have forever.

i have never felt this alive
and you have let me reach out and dive
to a love that has led me to find
myself, my soul.. and
the heart i thought that left me behind.

 

10-8-2012

5am

 

my dearest love,

its been a year. a year that has finally kept my heart and soul alive. its been a year and we still have each other. just you and me. in our bubble.. only this time, our bubble has allowed the real world in. real problems that we know we can rise above. i want you to know that i would always stay with you. through thick and thin…

your love has led me to push myself beyond my limits and do things i never thought i was capable of doing all my life… your love has opened my soul and reached out for the core of my being and create pictures that speak of love and poems that spell nothing but the love we have for each other and the love that we are.

my love has made you see a different side of life. that is the only thing i can offer you.. a smile inside your heart when things aren’t going our way… it is the only thing that my heart is capable of giving. it is the only thing that i know will go a long way. a smile in your heart to fulfill all your heart’s desires.

it will always be just me and you.
just us two…

(carrie & big)

….. just like you said.

 

forever yours,

~

 

little love cradle.


rock my love, back and forth
and take me up north
take me down south
and slowly kiss my mouth.

i dream of you… and i see
vista is a reality
as we sit side by side
and open our hearts wide

you and i, our love rocks
back and forth our hearts
will jump over the hurdle
as we share a world
….a little love cradle.

journey back to you.


journey back to you.

Everyday, we go through life

We wear a mask and live with strife

A make believe that we are real

Down to the core, down to what we feel.

But in moments of solitude,

Even when everything is the way it should

A silent whisper speaks to us

Saying… this is not gonna last

A whisper so silent, so brief yet serene

Has caused us to feel something within

Fear, hopelessness, sadness and fright

We live in a tunnel… hoping to catch a light.

But we give in only to fear

And ignore that one little whisper so clear

We put on the mask, again and again

Only to yearn what was way back when.

We journey back in time… back to our childhood

Memories that all was just too good

And the longing creeps in, and so we think

Those days are gone in just a blink.

The mask we wear would soon unveil

The yearning that we try so hard to scale

So we live a life that is masked and a lie

We live a life… but inside we die.

It is never too late to live a life filled with joy

It takes tremendous courage to leave our ploy

But if we step up and try to be true

We journey back… you journey back..

To the real you.

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crazy. beautiful.


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the wind gets crazy
but the field remains creamy
grasses that are calm and steady
greens that give the world such beauty.

the tiny fragments fly in the air
sometimes, life couldn’t be so fair
but all remains cool and i dare
dance while the breeze touch the skin i wear.

life is a dance
and love is the romance
i should never pass up this chance
to live a life… with the one i loved once.

love. the greatest driving force


In my secret haven…
I hid behind the shadows of yesterday
Myself… I have never given
The choice to let my heart lead the way. Continue reading

let our love.


let our love be
as strong as the tree
even if the leaves may fall
together, we stand tall
and when the flowers
may wither…
let our love blossom
even in winter.

let our love be
the language of our hearts
the weapon of our soul
that strengthen us
when faced with a hot coal.

let our love be.
forever.
like the tree.
for all eternity.

sweet reunion.


its seems like yesterday,
i saw you took off to some place far
and i got lost along the way
i often wondered where you are.

i never thought i’d see you again
when i left, i took your heart with me
and kept it hidden then
locked it safe along with your memory.

i tried to live but i felt dead
when you were gone,
i tried to love again but insteas
….you were and are still the one.

a hug to share, i couldn’t care
i miss the way i touch your hair
this is great… time never passed
i have proven now our love will always last.

this is home… this is you and me now
decades of life and yet somehow
they years apart we learn to strive
only now we really feel alive
sweet reunion…
you and me..
on a street…
we meet…
and it took us to heaven
and then……

forever.


08032012
my dearest love,

this is me and you
in timeless love and life
we laugh at the journey
that started with strife…
but when love and forever
was all we had to remember
…..
love is the only reason
why we breathe so much passion
and yet as calm as the sea
peaceful as the valley
and flowing as the river are we
when you and i are together…
our world become so much brighter…
….
this is you and i in timelessness
this is you and me….
in one of the thousand sunsets
that together we will blissfully
share in the days to come…
you and me… together
…. love has the power
for us to have this altogether
and live it forever….

you will always be my one and only love.
forever yours ,
-me