my heart aches so much not because of what you do not because of your love for all the female form…. not because you seem aloof not because of your friends… my heart aches so much because you smile because … Continue reading
wish that i could cry More than i am used to But my eyes are all dry From crying over you. I sit in silence as i Let thoughts of you linger Wondering how and why I could fall and … Continue reading
I have been reading the celestine prophecy. At the start.. it states that humans are suffering from restlesness we cannot understand. So we instead of sitting still and feeling the peace within.. we hurry up and find security in all the wrong places possible. I understand it perfectly well. Even when things have been so smooth in my life before.. something stirs up inside me and i cannot just be still. Its like i have an incessant hunger and thirst that no amount of food and water that money can buy cannot quench it. Relationship covered it when it was new.. but then… i was back to first stage. Until i have come to build a relationship with myself and my art. Only then i have quenched and understood and found what i was looking for.
Situations suck… its basically downhill.but that didnot stop me from being positive and whenever i possibly can.. i choose to help those in need more than my own luxiory. It brings a deep feeling of fulfillment and bliss that lasts longer than anything else…
And the abundance ….and life seems to happen right before my eyes… like magic… 🙂 i became more open to all the possibilities that life and the universe provides… for example… i called my dad and asked him to send money for my daughters allowance and food tomorrow and he said he’ll send tomorrow. But i insisted that he send today… even if it isnt cash.. like rice and fresh veggies instead of the money.. and the very second i sent my message… not even 30 seconds… my brother was downstairs… with rice and fish and other stuff from the farm from my grandmother. I intentionally didnt want my daughter to see me worry about basic needs being unmet due to his dad’s business. Lean months is always a chance for us to humble ourselves…
So as i write this. I am thinking of a really special person whos always been close to my heart… having little and not enough to keep us afloat make me realize how life seems to be unfolding to our hearts’desires…..
And my first love… J… we came to a closure …our relationship have become platonic. True love indeed… we have surpassed the jealousy and all… but we just couldnt find balance and we werent inlove anymore. The romance died and he was a preparation too for where my heart and soul is. This cute young couple friends hanging out… in silence. I know why i used to make them on their backs facing us… its because i turned my back on the possibility of something beautiful to unfold.
Till the skies fall down.
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Dream of me