discerned.


a few days ago, i was trying to figure out what to do with the gifts i am blessed with. i had a hard time figuring it out. i cannot start with the UNMASKED project because that is alread the later part of my journey. but now, i know. and an AHA moment is what i have been waiting for… a 12 hour nap time (which is unusual for me) is what i needed… (soul always rested… left brain needs the sleep to think… — practicality and survival mode!!)

i have to make a start. define and for the things that are going on.. in everyone’s lives… everyone is searching for something that they don’t know what. i used to keep jumping from one relationship after the other. trying out newer things… but never left home. i have simply lived where i grew up. because i didnot want to leave my childhood. and it all starts there. each one of us went through a different childhood. others are blessed with glorious things and everything laid out on them. i had a free and balanced childhood. i had a doting grandfather who i adore. (its his first year death anniv today… and aha moment it is..) we were each other’s back scratcher. LOL… call him enabler or consenting adult but i simply like to think that he loved me unconditionally and let me be myself… never mapped out my life. never resented my foolishness. had i been a guy, he’d be proud of me. but double standards and he was born in the 1920’s.. so, i get a lot of you’re a girl thing… i became a princess in my own world. but what he didnot know… i became a superhero on my own. i cannot just allow to be rescued all the time. other than being financially dependent on him, i am an independent person. — or just simply resourceful as he used to call me. without anything, i would simply go out there and source out with whatever i could sell…

going back to the discerned project. i believe in my heart… that each one of us is looking for something we have and thought lost it. it is our childhood. or our inner child part of ourselves. a word, a line, a photograph, a movie… there is always a phase in our life that we never really let go. even if we keep on living in a grown up world… the inner child sparks something up and we liked the feeling.. for a second. and we simply just choose to look away. thinking it would not matter or simply a waste of time. would it allow us to stay there for a bit? i don’t think so… we have given up on our childhood and simply locked the memories away. but back then, simpler times… we long for that again.[don’t we?]

so, i have finally got what i am here for. i finally DISCERENED…. what i am going to do. i am all about the paradoxes of life and love and this one will be the start… as i am going to touch everyone’s heart with memories that we could no longer revive… but will always keep inside our hearts.

the first book of unmasked…

a children’s book for grown ups..

————–

now, if only i could twist the mind of the publisher that has been waiting for me for a year! GOD!!! lol…

yesterday, i had a drawing of 2 childhood highschool sweethearts and i showed it to that subject person. i knew something touched him inside. the right chord i suppose… because he has been talking about old friends, memories, people from the past…. and i have always known… that part of us will always yearn for that memory… that hunger and thirst that cannot be quenched… and they say… we should go back to the SOURCE …or God..

the child in us the the source. the child in us is what God is. innocent, honest, fun loving, caring, emphatic, and pure intentions. as a child… we are all good and kind hearted. .. we are who we are then. without the question of who we should be.

thank you everyone who follows and comments on my blog. i am sure you are all there for a reason because it surely did strike and hit the right chord. 🙂

——

every child is an artist.

-pablo piccaso

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One thought on “discerned.

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