i often wonder how many chances we get at love. Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City said she had 2 chances at L-O-V-E. but that was before the end of the show…. in the end, it was Mr. Big all along. eversince i watched that episode almost a decade ago, i cant help but wonder if that is true.
i always thought all our lives, we will only have one true love. how i knew that i wouldn’t know. it would always be the kind of love that people talk about long after we’re gone …until it will become what it really is…. a story. a fairy tale. a myth. a lesson. i used to be so scared that i wouldn’t have that. the thought of not knowing when we would leave, and not having found that love. i remember very vividly when i used to keep wishing that i would have a story to leave behind. that when i grow old and all my grand children are seated by my rocking chair, i would be a cool grandma. the grandmother who would share stories about my life, my love, my relationships. but deep down, i only wanted to tell my grandchildren all the wonderful moments i [am about to] have with their grandfather. i am day dreaming way too much but it is what fuels me. to quote rumi’s definition of love – “drunken state”.
i now truly believe, that we would always have other loves. other lovers, other partners. but true love is deeply engraved inside our hearts. that no matter how hard we try to erase it, it would only scar us even more. even if we polish our hearts, sooner or later, it will still stale and the scars we tried to wipe off will always show. TRUE LOVE IS DEEPLY ENGRAVED IN US. THERE IS NO RUNNING AWAY FROM IT. because then, it will only leave us feeling alone …in a world where we thought would be enough to compensate for the love we have always looked for all throughout our lives…
although it takes a lot of pain to shed off the shine of a newly polished heart, once we open our real self to our hearts, we will know that what hurt us then, would also be the only thing that would heal us. the paradox of love. its a mystery.
true love is real. you just know. it is what it is. TRUE LOVE is the answer… [and what was the question again]?