in harmony.

Once there used to be chaos inside my heart
I had everything… so much more from the start
I couldn’t quite put my finger why
But deep inside was the saddest cry.
The cry was the sound of my fear
Though i wanted to … i couldn’t shed one tear
So i felt like i wasn’t human at all
There was a yearning to make that call.
When the wind blew against my cheek
The longing to feel was something that made me weak.
I knew there was more to life than that
I can almost feel the wind giving me a quick pat.
Once there was restlessness inside my soul
My search for meaning and purpose to be whole
Made me fight my own battle and war
To win is an answer that has quite gotten far.
I was hungry for life… I was hungry to live
A smile curved my lips, yet inside I couldn’t believe
Laughter wasn’t unusual but it was a voice
That didn’t come from the heart because of my choice.
My choice to live life in monotony
After loving and fearing the loss
I yearned so bad to run and be free
But i wasn’t ready to pay the cost.
Once there was emptiness inside me
I searched in all the wrong places to fill in the void
Pained me more so I tried to avoid.
Facing the truth and the never ending thirst
How to erase all my past hurts.
I denied the truth not only to everyone else
… I lied even worse… Coz I lied to myself.
And it made my heart feel the wrench
So I tried to look for something to quench
The longing for me to become whole
The thirst inside my heart and my soul.
I stayed on… hoping that someday
These longings will just go away
But it never really did and no matter how hard i try
I cover it up with all the things that money can buy.
Hoping that maybe it will satisfy
All the longings inside that i deny.
Once there was turbulence in my life
When i had it easy… i looked for strife
Anything to make me feel something…
Anything to make me feel so alive
But i couldn’t find what it was
That would want to make me dive.
Nothing has pained me even when
I began to lose the life that i had then
An easy life yet difficult to live
When it was a life of lies that i began to weave.
A smile from the lips isn’t a smile for me at all
An empty smile that was always under control
An aching heart that was too proud to accept
That i was searching for the imperfect perfect.
If life would always be as easy as i had then,
That wasn’t the life that I planned live again.
A restless soul will never ever be at peace
… Life is full of riddles… its always like this
Until the heart accepts the truth
And the soul would always yearn
For what we had in our youth.
And up until i finally began to accept and be honest
I was put in line to go through a test.
What i thought to be the hardest for me
Turned out to be what also made me free.
Once when there was chaos inside,
I was left with a feeling that love has died
I was loving but it was a command
From my mind that I reprimand
When from the start, it never did feel right at all
I did what my mind told me so I wouldn’t fall
My heart was screaming, my soul was restless
And yet, i still never tried to confess.
I was left in a corner, and i have never felt so alone
With the emptiness that I have never known.
Once i vowed to my heart never to feel for you
Because of the aches and pain I had gone through
Coz nothing or no one ever measured up
And my beating heart just began to stop.
But I realized that I would rather feel the hurt  from you
In my mind, i have loved beyond I could ever do
When I became what I never was with you.
I made up my mind when I made that choice
Even if there was a NO from that little unseen voice.
So my heart cried and hid an unsung melody
Of a song that was sang off key.
I began to know that no matter what i do,
At the end of the day, my heart and soul still calls out for you.
I never stopped hoping and believing that someday
You’ll be back in my life and this time, you’ll stay.
Until that time comes,
I’ve gone through the motions of living
 i began to realize
That I became so good at my own disguise.
And when I saw you that one afternoon in October,
My heart began to smile when you looked at me
Your eyes told me that my pain would now be over
For you would stay till eternity.
My heart now began to sing a simple melody
Of a song that was once ours…. So perfectly.
Everything is coming together… you and me forever
When the time is right… It will come to us
All the pain will be erased from the past.
My soul is restless no more
I began to feel the way i did before
And the tears that for so long I had in store
Finally began to fall.
My soul finally found the peace and i let my walls crumble
When I allowed myself to be once again vulnerable.
I began to feel again. I began to defy the fear
And learned to sing with joy and cheer.
We finally have each other again.
Only so much better than what we were then
You and I… We are somehow completely whole
And we became one with our soul
My heart now sings a beautiful melody
Forever and Always…
A perfect song written in harmony.

2 thoughts on “in harmony.

  1. Pingback: The search « Hidden Depths

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