Call to me and I will answer you
and tell you great and
unsearchable things you do not know.’
my maiden initials 313
- my married initialsor maybe it could also i have two kids, and me..
- my journey started on march 10, 2011 [tsunami] 3-11-11
- JESUS died at 33 [a spiritual friend told me…it could be my age of Crucifixion]
- my birthday adds up to 31
- i was 33 years old last year.
- going on my 3rd our third anniversary in 3 months supposedly (with my husband)
- everytime i would look at the time it would be at 3;33 or —:33
- i would open or scan a book and it would be on the 300th or 30th page or combination
- playlists on my ipod would be 33..
- when i would check the song. it is played or remaining on 3:33 …
- on my facebook news page: 33 likes, common friends.. etc etc…
- and a whole lot more…
i thought i was going insane.. at the back of my mind, i sort of figured out there was something about number 3 but didnt pay attention to it and i simply just convinced myself it was purely coincidental… but the thrist wasnt quenched at all. cars would just pass by in front of me with their plate numbers flashing in front of me…. i never really tried to dig deeper than i did so i just let it go.. but it just kept poppping up everywhere….
have you ever thought that your life is orchestrated and that you are simply just a part of a reality tv show? i thought that a lot of times.. and my husband called me loony. lol… so i fell deaf to what supposed to be was my second wake up call.. and continued with my life until i started to yearn for something although i didnt know what it was. i prayed. but i didnt know what to pray since i thought i was finally living my dream. so i simply just prayed: “You know the desires of my heart… It is up to You.” i wanted to live a simple life. it was far from simple. and it was ok. but i was empty inside. there was a time when i would cook for the family and all i could think of was …”was i brought to earth just to cook for my husband and drive around”? i lost meaning and purpose … i was unhappy. i just did a nice job of covering it up.
and well.. the significance of 333 is a whole lot more than just what i wrote there. because of some [[Draft saved at 3:33:14 am.]] incessant curiosity and time in my hands, i began to search online.. and found my way to a site. 333 is basically surrounded by angels, willing to help and ascended masters like Jesus and the like. but it wasnt only that.. i found bible verses too. and it still wasnt enough for me. until well.. i began to really come face to face with the truth other than the bible.. just what truly resonated with me… with my core. my soul– half of it. coz the other half … is found.
like a crazy loony … but i didnt care anymore. you know where sometimes you just let it go… and just let the Lord guide your every move…. and just simply SURRENDERED to what is whispering inside you? when i found what was missing in my life, the only part of me as a whole person… yet inside, there is that small void that has a big impact in your life? i knew i was complete.. but i didnt feel complete… or i felt complete… although i knew i wasnt yet… until after 6 weeks when i saw him– my first love.. i looked at myself in the mirror for what seemed like forever…. and i wrote after that… just a short poem..
i look at myself in the mirror…
and i am filled with horror
at what i have become…
because i desire nothing
but the only one…
……………………. i was to write… something about something that i had but never never will and couldnt… it wasnt positive… so i stopped… and really… i changed my haircut.. i cut my bangs while i was just about to take a shower… then, i started to use t-shirts and denim shorts… and loafers…[think 16 y.o. — circa ’94] i dont know why.. it was i guess my life is right before my eyes..
to move forward…
i had to go backwards to find my way “HOME“.
and so.. as i stared at the mirror again.. i had this thing in the past when i was with my husband that i cant look at my own eye when i face the mirror. i didnt like what i saw.. no life, no spirit.. to have a sad eyes.. would be better than an empty one… and just out of the blue… i blurted out his name… and that is when i cried… although after seeing him last october 5  i started crying. i let myself beleive it was someone else but i knew i couldnt cry just like that.. i havent let the tears fall in years.. and that is when i realized.. i knew what was missing. i know what i want. but i turned my back on my heart… and so… i again tried to manipulate my heart… everytime i was to go to his parent’s place.. i would just look for he most unusual excuse because i knew he was there all the time… [i used to ask one of my angels… who lives there.] until a call from his mother… turned out to be a blessing since i wasnt able to “budget” my allowance, and she had some order about some things that i needed and i had no choice but to take it to their home.. and when i delivered… right there.. a smack in my face… that was 11.12.2011—- oh but that day… it was the best day i had in years.. i was home. i am finally home and i slept like a baby that night… and that is when my soul had found the peace it yearn for so long… it was the best feeling i had in years. sigh… it was simply because i just surrendered to that “little voice” …. then everything after that is dreamstate…
and as for the 3’s….
everyone in his family has 3’s in their birthdays.
our old phone numbers added up to 33
our plate numbers in our car added up to 9 [3+3+3]
both our official and unofficial anniversaries add up to 3
our mobile numbers [in two networks] add up to 3 or 33
our new home phone numbers add up to 3
both our birthdays add up to 3
our angel’s birthday add up to 3 too.
and alot more… well, i kinda got lost into it since i was really trying to challenge “fate”
but only then i stopped questioning why 3 has been popping up everywhere. until now.. even at my most melancholic state… so… i guess this is it.. i read somewhere about its all in our dna or something that numbers arent just for counting… and at the same time… 11.11 resonated too. he just popped it up in a conversation casually…. so i wouldnt think he was “over the line… ” and i shouted at him over the phone…. OMG!!!! you get that too? and like crazies… we got a little into it.. he used to add up all our numbers in high school… i guess.. i was a little behind him years ago. it took me 15 years to catch up with him.
i always knew he was a part of my soul. he is probably 85% of my poems… we were a part of each other… when i turned my back on my heart, my soul always knew… i dismissed it as what coulve beens…. sometimes i knew all along that when we would see each other, i knew deep inside i always knew.. i just tried to stop myself because i didn’t want to anymore… i didnt want to get hurt… i didnt want to cry… i was most alive during the 3 years i was with him in the past.. but i had to be with him for what seemed like unreal 3 months again at 33 years old..
i never listened to love songs until we were together again. and then… i realized i not only turned my back on him, on our love… i simply turned my back away from ME. that is when i got lost… and i know that a man would never complete a woman. Given the Jerry Maguire line… “You complete me…” no… it was more …. now i am completely whole and home with you…
i might put up a new blog for the spiritual journey of truelovejunkie…
eat. pray. true love.
this photo was taken last April 7, 2011
i was sad. i was missing him… and when i looked up, this is what i saw…
i was with friends… it was a beautiful place… and the only thing that i could think of was i wish i were there with him…
i’d like to think that these little signs, are messages that tells me to be patient and just hang in there… i guess i do. that is why i channeled all negative emotions to writing and finally.. after months of deliberating as he , among others were insistent that i put this up.. until things started to take a different route. and i wasnt in control again… but then… Life is still good. i cant wait for it to be better… i probably havent written as much as i did in my life for a month.. and there is no greater feeling than to be just true to our own selves.
- RE: Dear Bliss… (sprinklesofbliss.com)