twenty five.

i wrote this on 2003. it was probably one of the lowest point of my life…
i was just starting to get used to the fact that i had lost a big part of me…
and i didnt know then… i always moved from one relationship to another…
self love and selfishness was synonymous to me at that time.

I’m twenty five, with a kid
I should be content but still in need
I’ve had an extraordinary life and yet…
It’s something that I wish to forget
But it wouldn’t be easy for me to erase
For part of me will always leave a trace.
No regrets in having a child
Just the reminder of the days when I was wild
Those days are over now, I can tell
Coz I have no more desire of living like hell.
I should know, I’m twenty five
Still living but barely alive;
For part of me inside seems dead…
Long before the tears that I shed.
I’m in my mid-twenties and so unhappy
Except when I shut myself out from reality
I drift off to a moment, once in my life
When I was loved and cared for like a wife.
I couldn’t ever ask for anything else,
I had you, I had everything for myself
But it didn’t last, once again I’m alone
Losing you feels like losing my home.
Yet who is there to blame but ME
I had something real yet I set it free…
So here I am, at 25,
Hoping for that love to still be alive
Not much to hope, to have…
Your heart and only your love…
To return to me, once again, you’ll be mine
Once again… everything will be just fine.
I belong to you and you to me
Isn’t that the way it’s always meant to be?
For I am already 25, with a child to care for
A child to love and pain to ignore…
Yet, no matter how I try to forget it all,
Part of me still stumble and fall…
The pain, the emptiness and my love lost,
No price can pay the cost.
Too much for words, I can’t speak my mind,
For all I care, I wish to leave them behind…
Leave the pain behind, and the emptiness I feel
Emotions I detest so surreal
I’m more than 25, but still a KID,
I think and act like one, indeed!
I should’ve grown and matured
…not like some little brat who pretends
To be strong and secure
Only to cover the confusions that never ends…
At 25, I should’ve known better
Than to dwell in the past & be bitter
For doing things I shouldn’t have done…
I finally realize the difference between happiness and fun.
As it is too late to undo it all,
I blame myself for taking the fall.
Wasted half of my 25 years,
I slowly pick up the pieces
Broken pieces of my life and unshed tears…
Moving on is one of my wishes…
It may take a while but I will survive,
I’ve got to be strong for my kid.
Now that I’m more than 25.



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